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This is my last post

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Soldier83, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time on here. I am no longer going to make posts on this site about my feelings. They are as stupid as I am. Good luck in the future to all of you and my God save you. I want you to know that yes I am planning to kill myself tonight, it's been a long time coming. Good bye everyone and good luck.
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Why not stick around and talk? I don't think you're wasting anyone's time. And I don't think you're stupid
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Soldier, you have decided to go through with it hun, but maybe there's just the thought deep inside that someone might reply to you and offer you a life-line. You say 'may God save you' - so you do believe that there is a God who can do this. Maybe, you feel He can for others, but no longer for you?

    I felt that way too in the past, it is not a nice place to be...... fortunately, it isn't true........ if you would like to PM me, (or publicly here) perhaps you would let me explain why? You are not stupid, neither are your feelings...... they're just stuck and in need of healing, hun. Please write and tell me what's brought you to your decision. (Doesn't need to be long - as long as you want it to be.) Good wishes sent your way + power + hope :)
  4. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    i hope you don't go through with it. i don't think you are wasting anyones time. and your feelings are not stupid. in your other posts you talk about not having a mission....maybe you were brought to this place...made to walk this hard path to be a soldier to us. ...to yourself...helping those who feel helpless. i dont know...its a thought. please do not go through with it and please talk to people here.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I hope soldier is okay... :unsure:
  6. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    "It is foolish and wrong to morn men who have died. Rather thank god that such men lived." General Patton
    I am still planning on killing myself when I can, but right now I've got things to do.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Soldier. I'm glad that you've decided to stick around for a while. You're a war hero and you deserve some recognition. Why is it that you want to end your life? Did you experience things in combat that were very traumatic? I know that PTSD is quite common with soldiers and it's a shame that so many of them end their lives after returning home.
  8. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    A hero huh... I was never deployed. I never spent time overseas. I always was left behind. My unit left me behind, not so much of a hero now huh?
  9. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    The thing about military service is, that if you have any issues when you go in, the training process wherein they tear you down and rebuild you into a soldier can leave you with those issues even worse than they were when you signed up. Whether you deployed or not, you still did the job assigned to you, and you deserve a hand getting things back together. Give these guys a call; they'll help, and they do not report to any government agency.

    thesoldiersproject.org toll free 1-877-576-5343
  10. gxblu44

    gxblu44 Member

    They never deployed me either. Mostly consider my military time a disappointment. Eventually they sent me out on a Medical condition with no chance to get any service connected benefits. Have a nice life, you keep the cool pajamas.
    But I have avoided using VA like the plague myself. I do know you can get treatment because, well, the suicide rate of veterans is absolutely abhorrent in this country. Congress has been breathing fire down the VA's neck for a little while now over this. I think there is some very tight ball twisting under the table with the services myself because its just downright embarrassing even for Congress.
    Then of course you have arrogant Dipshit Generals like this dumbfuck Pittard who got slapped very publicly due to his whole misunderstanding of the issue and making public his thoughts on it. His fellow Generals let him have it for calling the ones fallen by suicide "selfish" and "cowards" We definitely are a misunderstood and not very well tolerated crowd by the movers and shakers. But, sometimes they learn the lesson that it really is the elephant in the living room. Some years (maybe 10 or 12) I was told about about an Admiral who left the Pentagon for lunch, went home and blew his brains out. I guess they notice that stuff then.
    Last night was weird for me. I had an attempt very recently that was certainly a close call (yes there was an indent on the primer) but in my broken sleep I was feeling continually more despair and sadness and it was very deeply bleak. Like a moonless night setting in.
    Then for some reason something warm and loving and very compassionate started seeping in. It certainly felt like it was coming from outside myself, another individual or intelligence. I couldn't see it but my mind was imagining something warm with a gold hue. Im certain it wasn't coming from me, and it didn't last long. Not sure what to make of this "messenger" but it was a welcome change. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not dancing in a field of flowers today, but it was enough to force me to recognize the potential of something outside my scope.
    Almost always, when it seems very, very bad, its me making it out to be much worse than it really is. Course i don't have that ability on my own to notice it on my own, anymore than I have the ability to pick tomorrow's winning lotto numbers
    But still, something showed up.
  11. gxblu44

    gxblu44 Member

    Oh yeah.....
    The first lesson I was taught in the military in Basic Training by my instructor

    "Nobody Is In This Alone"
  12. throwaway1234

    throwaway1234 Member

    I'm right there with you dude.
    I'm a Navy Hospital Corpsmen and was supposed to go to an operational billet with the Marines before all this-- stuff, happened to me. I have since been denied transfer and am being forced to stay in the hospital that has been the primary cause for my issues.
  13. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    Who is eligible?

    Active duty uniformed service members who have served in OIF/OEF

    Members of activated Reserve/Guard military units with service in OIF/OEF

    Veterans of OEF/OIF

    Family members of the above including spouses, parents, grandparents, children, siblings, etc

    Other loved ones

    I'm not a veteran, I never served in OIF/OEF. I'm just a piece of shit wannabe soldier that was a mistake from the day he was born. I volunteered for 6 different engagements. My CO got me in a pyramid scheme. My First Sergeant screwed me over so hard that it ruined my credit. I am the reason that my parents got a divorce. I have been staring down the barrel of a pistol for my entire life. I cant remember a time that I didn't think of taking myself out. I have tried so many times that I've lost count. I cant talk to my wife about it, because she'll blame herself. I cant talk to my family about it because they wont care. My unit doesn't give a shit about me, hell they wont even give me my DD-214. I have no where left to go. Maybe if I do it at the reserve center they'll get the message...
  14. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2012
  15. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    "Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men." Patton

    I understand what you mean. For a while I've been tossing around the idea that congress isn't going to do anything about this because the military is to overstaffed as it is. So what better way to get rid of people than let them do it themselves... I know that's a bad way of thinking, but there it is. I've never been a particularly religious person, but I wish that something like that could come and shelter me under it's wing. I have alot of bad things going on right now, and I'm really trying not to do anything drastic. Tho some people might not agree with me on this point, some people need killin now a days...
  16. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    A week and no reply to my posts, oh well
  17. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    Another week goes by with no reply, I guess it God's just saying it's time to die.
  18. Koalarin

    Koalarin New Member

    Hello Soldier
    God doesn't want you to die. God loves you thats why he sent his one and only begotten son to die on the cross so that you may have life. I'm not talking about church, religion. I'm talking about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who is our saviour. Call out to him wherever you are and ask him to come into your life. I've been through rough patches in my life too and have also contemplated suicide. I eventually accepted Christ and from that day on, my inner being started to change. My circumstances still remained the same but my heart and thoughts started to change. God is the one who gives me strength and peace to face each day and each challenge. Even when I think no one cares, I say "God cares". We can't put our expectations on situations and people because unfortunately we will get disappointed and disillusioned. It seems that you are at the end of your rope. You are loved by God, You are important to him. You are beautiful because he made you. Don't give up but give God a try. I did and I'm still alive
  19. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    There is a famous saying, "The only stupid question is the one you don't ask," or something like that. The same holds true for you sharing your feelings. There is nothing wrong with sharing how you feel. Holding your thoughts back is wrong. This is a good site to let it all hang out since people understand these kinds of things here more than would people in other places.

    You talk about cause and you talk about disappointing people. The best way to conquer that is to come out ahead. Dying is not coming out ahead. You can be strong and you can do it. You don't need to wait for replies here or for people to give you opinions or approvals. You are an individual and you are yourself. You need only to fulfill your own needs and, while not hurting others, serve your own needs as they best suit you in gaining wellness.

    "God" is not saying it is time to die. That is not in character with the beliefs associated to a "God."

    DD-214 is quitting. Don't quit. Beat them all. Put a plan in place to turn it all around and take baby steps toward goals that will bring you out of this in at least a normal, stable situation. Your best friend is yourself. Your life coach is yourself. Your decision maker is yourself. Take charge.
  20. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    I've always liked Robert Heinlein's view on what it meant to be a soldier. As laid out in Starship Trooper - and don't judge it by the stupid movie, read it - the important characteristic of the soldier/citizen was the willingness to serve a cause larger than the individual. It didn't matter how smart, how rich, how educated... what made a citizen was the ability to realize that there was something outside of the person's skin that was important.
    I'm sorry you have lost sight of what you once had. Depression does that, but depression is biochemistry - not character. Get help. If talking isn't enough, find what is. Your presence and history is enough to teach those who don't have what you do.
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