I spend about 15 hours a day on the internet every single day until my eyes feel like they are bleeding. I never speak a word most days, living with parents. I roam Facebook but never talk to anyone, I roam this site and social anxiety forum. I also roam YouTube and watch documentaries on spiritual stuff, things to laugh at, music. I spend alot of time looking up suicide related articles, about near death experiences from suicide attempts, methods, documentaries on it etc etc and also about serial killers and documentaries on those (not that I want to kill anyone, its just an interest). If im not on the internet I feel like I have nothing to do, TV bores the shit out of me since I don't have cable TV so I rarely watch it.. that's pretty much my life, I very rarely leave the house although I always want to.. there's just no reason good enough.. there's only shops around here but I have no money, job or friends. I can recall very few positive experiences in my whole life. I want to break the cycle but im clueless how to.. Im 21. A holiday would be nice, ive only had 1 in my entire life which fucking sucks. Anyway I just felt like ranting.. Anyone else relate to this monotonous existence?