This is my Story.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Amx, May 16, 2012.

  1. Amx

    Amx New Member

    Hello members of SF!

    My name is Antti and I'm 25 years old and I live in Helsinki, Finland - and this is my story.

    I grew up in a family of nine children, but I've always felt that I was more close to my five years older sister, she's pretty much everything I've got left in life now, since two are dead and the rest are out on the world adventure, duck hunting or whatever the fuck they're doing. You could say that I resent them, a great deal. When I was sixteen years old my twin-sister was thrown off a balcony by a jealous guy who she had turned down. The shock and sadness that I had to deal with was sometimes too much to bare, but I managed to always keep my feet on the ground, considering. My little sister was two years young than us and she had big, big troubles dealing with it. So on the 20th of April, 2007 she decided to kill herself by jumping or standing infront of a moving train. I know, or at least I want to believe, that it wasn't her intentions to hurt the rest of the family.

    But in a way I kind of know what she was thinking. She just wanted to be free, because she was in so much pain that she couldn't stand it any more. I kept her really close to me, and we talked day and night, about all and nothing. But I guess she had a great poker face because I never saw the depth of how the loss of our sister was hurting her. After her death I went into a coma, well, not a real one, but I wasn't aware of reality. I became very misantropic and hated everything and everyone, but I learned to deal with my loss and decided to spend more time than before, to try and help people who are feeling the way my sister did. The emotions won't be precise, but I will always be a shoulder to lean on for all you people out there who feel that you have noone to talk to. I'm not doing it just for you. I'm doing it for me to, because I want to learn more about suicide and what one can do to try and prevent it from happening.

    I'm all for having your own individual right to choose whether you want to live or die - I can't descide that for you. But when it comes to me, when I've felt suicidal, I've always thought about the things I love doing in life; Playing poker, photography, writing, movies, music. Can you honestly say that you'd be fine, spending the rest of eternity, with no music? I think not. And I'm not perfect, I'm not a God at curing people who feels suicidal, but if there's a chance that I can help and draw my straw to the stack - then I will.

    I'm sorry if this thread isn't forum material, but I just felt that I wanted to introduce myself since I'm new here.

    Take care,

    Antti
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Antti welcome to SF I hope you too reach out for support hun I know the loss to suicide and it is so painful hugs to you
     
  3. Amx

    Amx New Member

    Thanks :)
    I wish I could edit my first post, forgot to read it through before posting. The first bit doesn't make sense in my head lol
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i edited out some spelling mistakes it sound ok to me I hope you continue to reach out here ok hugs
     
  5. ZacThomas

    ZacThomas Member

    I read your story occasionally and it is really very sad to read about your twin-sister. You managed yourself very well.