This is not good!

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Cecilie, Jul 8, 2014.

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  1. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    I want to harm so bad.. [Mod Edit - Methods/Excessively Graphic]

    But, somehow I have not done it yet. I feel really lonely and worthless and and in this moment anything can trigger me. I just hold on, and wayching movies... But I know... The urge is too big right know. I have searh in the apartment and find a scalpell... Its not gonna kill me to bleed a pound.. I just want to see the red... Too feel like i control my life and i can end it whenevner I want to. I need to feel pain..

    This is hopeless... I hate what I have become. If I told anyone they would have hated me for destroying my body, ... Well, I can't stop right know... I just need a break from everything..
    From beeing invisibel... From beein a freak... From being a worthless,,, the harm is just a something I deserve anyway...

    Oh... I just wish I never was born sometimes..
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2014
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :freehug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    You have told us Cecilie and there is no hate here at all, zilch........ Please ask yourself why you want to see the red - and then ask yourself "If I do see it, how does this equate with me being in control of my life?"

    It doesn't really, does it?

    The way to being in control of your life first of all starts with Cecilie coming to understand that she can love Cecilie, because she has intrinsic worth and value that at the moment she cannot see inwardly - but that does not mean it is not there. You do NOT deserve this pain Cecilie, you do deserve to be loved and supported and guided into hope that self-harming is counter-productive to what you're hoping it will give you, when it cannot - that is no reason to punish yourself hun :)
  4. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Listen to YouRprecious Cecille ^^^^^^ She is right :hug: :hug: :hug:
  5. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    I have still not done it. Thank you!
    I tried to put words on it in this forum another place..
    I swear... im not joking... Im hurt... And try to not to anything..

    Im just so tired. . I don't know what to do when anxity attack me...
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well done on not having done it Cecilie - you are loving yourself in NOT doing it:) The more you don't do it, the more you are loving yourself, and that goes for you, Twocky, too :) :grouphug: Each time you DON'T do it, tell yourself that this is proving that you can learn to love you - another step at a time.

    You could make yourself a chart and add a gold star for every day you do not do it - and at the end of the week you'll have 7 gold stars, at the end of a month, 30 - at the end of a year, 365! But start off a day at a time - call it the "I'm giving myself permission to love myself" chart - you will be surprised at the inward change inside of you - how it happens to make you feel better about yourself, and it will convince you that you are able to be in control in a positive way that makes you feel good and not lousy :)

    Not knowing what to do when anxiety attacks is an invitation to be creative hun. :)
  7. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    I ended up sleeping for some hours. It helped. And i saw what you guys write. :)
    You are all some good people! I think im gonna take your advice..
    the feeling and anxeity is really reduced... Just feel a little stupid tho...

    But thank you!
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Absolutely no need to feel stupid Cecilie - you were very right to post your feelings, and see how doing so has helped :) You must be your #1 priority because you are very much worth it honey! :)
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