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this is not happening

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lurktheshadows, Oct 27, 2010.

  1. lurktheshadows

    lurktheshadows Well-Known Member

    you know when you open you're mouth...and you're like...who the fuck is talking? who is this freak?
    I feel like my soul was implanted into a grotesque body with a frazzled, ravaged mind.
    I feel like I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time all of the time, and nothing ever ever ever feels right
    nothing ever feels joyful, or comfortable..or even tolerable

    aren't people supposed to feel purpose ..no matter how fleeting? I never do.
    aren't people supposed to feel comfortable in there own body...at least for one moment of their entire lives? I never have.

    I don't know what this is, I don't know what this is and I can't do this, I can't do it, I can't do it....
    I'm not going to do it.

    If you love me for who I am, then you're fucking insane, because there's nothing here anymore, nothing here.

    and no one here ever cares enough to message me
    just like the rest of my life
    and no one here likes me
    just like the rest of my life
    and I say the most idiotic things
    just like the rest of my life

    if you knew the pain I feel, you wouldn't be alive right now.

    I don't know why I am. I wish I finished it the first time.

    don't tell me why life's ok, because life's never been good to me
    life has never offered me anything to cling to

    I am envious of heroin addicts, if I had money I'd shoot myself up until I died.
  2. lurktheshadows

    lurktheshadows Well-Known Member

    point proven

    I sit here pathetically waiting for someone to reply and talk to me, because I'm disgustingly alone....completely and utterly alone.

    no one cares

    if I say I hurt people say random kind remarks just to get rid of me
    no one ever cares enough to actually listen
    they just want to fix everything
    and there's nothing to fix
    it's irreparable.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry things are so awful...if my memory serves me correctly, you did find comfort in a meeting you went to...is it possible to f/u on that? and yes, sitting for a response is also awful...please know it was not a lack of caring that delayed my response...it was the traffic in NY City...J
  4. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hi Spindles,

    I care, No I dont know you, but I have felt like you many of times in my life, really cant remember a time when I didnt.

    Im here if you want to talk. PM me anytime.