This is NOT me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Perfect Melancholy, Apr 19, 2013.

  1. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    This is not me
    This is not the pain I feel from just breathing
    The struggle I have each and every day
    This not the piercings or tattoos that adorn me
    This is not the feeling of fear everytime I wake
    Or the loneliness that consumes, the tears that keep falling
    This is not the teenage angst I got told to get over
    Or the bipolar you diagnosed years later
    This is not the dye in my hair or the grey sneaking through
    The cuts on my arms, the ones I hide daily
    The 29 years I spent proving I am normal to be told wrong
    This is not the abuse I suffered in silence
    Where I wake still screaming suffocating from remembering
    This is not my asthma or the cigarettes I smoke
    This is not the music I listen to from the screamo to the emo
    Or the clothes I wear, the smile I fake, the job I do
    The place I live now, or the house that I grew up in
    This is not the way I think, or even what I fucking drink
    This is defiantly not the movies I watch or the games that I play
    The books that I have read, or the moments I have forgotten
    Those loves that I have lost, and the love I dare dream of now
    This is not the deaths I have witnessed, from the self inflicted to war
    This is not the sadness in my eyes, or the voice I disguise
    Nore the marathons I have run, and the films I have made
    The happiness I sought, and the moments I failed
    My nieces and nephews, and family who hated me
    This is not my future, my past, or even my present,
    This is not living, this is not even death
    If none of these things feel part of me, then what am I now?
    If this is not life, if this is not living
    Really what am I now............................
     
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    "Only connect..." E.M. Forster.
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thanks for replying no idea what you mean though :(
     
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    "Only connect the prose and the passion". You're saying this is not me as you describe some of your facets. Why?
     
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Because what I have is a chemical imbalance in my brain right and trauma therefore if I killed myself it's just my brain not working affecting my emotions. Therefore what am I? Nothing but a death waiting to happen a statistic that's all.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: to you. I don't really know what to say, just keep talking hun, let it out..it might help.
     
  7. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I so wish I could say something to help :( I hate to see you suffering.
     
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    So I am right yes?
     
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Sigh, at least I tried