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This is not support

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#1
I've been depressed for three years. I know that it's frustrating for people around me, but they don't even know that I'm suicidal. I don't do anything "dangerous", I don't seem self-destructive, I leep doing things and all... The only thing is that I don't talk too much, but I was like that before.
I've always knew that sending me to therapy, my family didn't want me to heal, but to change, become more exproverted and affectionate... Well, not gonna happen. I am how I aam. I told to my therapist and she agrees with me and told me that there's nothing wrong with my personality and that I don't have to change, just heal. But my family doesn't understand.

Now they are insinuating that they're gonna kick me off from the house for being sad and "isolating myself". Someone told them that I'm "scary" because I am too sad and serious. Thanks, whoever you are. Now they are ashamed of me, I guess. In the same conversation they say that I don't have any problem and that I have their love and support and I don0t seem to appreciate it and at the same time they menace to kick me out because "out of sight, out of mind". Good luck explaining grandfather that you kicked me out for being depressed.
I'd pack my suitcases and leave right now but I don't have money or a place to stay. Well, I could have, any of my friends would have me, but I don't want that. I don't want to tell them what is happening and the insinuations because they will insist on having me in their houses and I don't want that. I just want to finish my studies, get a job and go away. And if I go now, even if I was "forced", they would get mad with me for running away (yes, they'd consider it as that even if they kicked me off, I know). Also, there are people, like my grandfather, who doesn't deserve me disappearing. There are people in my family who really support me and understand how I am. That people doesn't deserve that.

I don't know what to do. If I could have real support and respect nothing of this would happen. And they insist on blaming me for not telling them my exact problems. Yes, of course, and instead of this, they would attack me for the precise reasons of my depression, going there where iit hurts the most. Not happening, they'll never know.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#2
Also, they told that they are anxious and worried all the time. As if I was self-destructive or something like that. If something, I am too isolated (not as much, I live with them, no room for isolation), but tense about what? SO now I have to heal from one day to another because my depression makes my famaily uncomfortable? Sorry! Sorry to be emotionally destroyed! They don't have anything on me, what's the big deal? That I'm not talkative? I never was. Not with them. And for that all this drama about being at the edge of a panic attack all the time for me? Please. If they knew that I am suicidal (anyway, I'd never have the guts to do it), if I were violent, if I did drugs... But no. I kind of isolate myself in my room for hours. Wow. Big menace. So dangerous. If they are gonna kick me out, I'd rather to have been worse and deserve it. Again, good luck explaining to people.

(I don't think that they're gonna kick me out, but this situation makes things even worse, make me feel even more anxious and I don't need that, I have enogh problems already)
 
#3
that's horrible and stupid, theres no logic in them thinking saying insensitive stuff to you or talking about kicking you out is going to make you feel better and be happier for their sake. it pisses me off even reading that nevermind being in your situation and actually living with people like that, I'm so sorry *sadhug
why are they surprised you dont want to open up to them when they're so insensitive and crap?! people baffle me.... act like assholes then wonder why you're quiet/dont tell them stuff *confused total ignorance and stupidity, maybe arrogance too. you dont deserve to be spoken to like that or feel that way, I'm glad you have friends who are supportive though. im really sorry about your family, I can relate in a way as I dont have supportive or understanding family either so also keep all my struggles to myself :(
*sadhug
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#4
Thank you so much... *sadhug*sadhug*brohug This only makes me feel more sure about not opening up with them. I couldn't stand that discourse but with "you only care about this / that" and hurtful things related to my problems. Better like this.
I don't know what to do because this should force me to change, but I don't want to, there's nothing wrong with me in that sense, and that kind of stuff only makes me isolate myself more.
 
#5
Thank you so much... *sadhug*sadhug*brohug This only makes me feel more sure about not opening up with them. I couldn't stand that discourse but with "you only care about this / that" and hurtful things related to my problems. Better like this.
I don't know what to do because this should force me to change, but I don't want to, there's nothing wrong with me in that sense, and that kind of stuff only makes me isolate myself more.
thats understandable. I dont blame you, they dont sound like good people to open up to. exactly, you dont have to be loud or talkative, and they should accept that. too many people want us quiet people to be louder and its so annoying that they cant just accept us. *hug
 

Inanimate

SF Dictionary 📚
#7
I've always knew that sending me to therapy, my family didn't want me to heal, but to change, become more exproverted and affectionate...
So, emotionally, they’ve done fuck all to elicit your trust and affection, yet they feel deserving of those unearned privileges because they’re paying someone to do the work for them.

Maybe their personality needs to change.
Now they are insinuating that they're gonna kick me off from the house for being sad and "isolating myself".
It’s all about them, isn’t it?
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#8
So, emotionally, they’ve done fuck all to elicit your trust and affection, yet they feel deserving of those unearned privileges because they’re paying someone to do the work for them.

Maybe their personality needs to change.

It’s all about them, isn’t it?
Well, sometimes they complain about me treating better other people in the family. That people are the ones who accept me as introverted and feel sorry for my depression and want me to get better but understand that it's not easy, so they only show me affection and never pressure me. I wonder why I connect better with that people, yes.

I can't complain about my family because they give me a home and all that, but... They always focus on the negative, I can do 9 things right and 1 wrong, only the wrong one exist, and if I mention the other 9 they tell me that it's thanks to them. Never enough, always being compared... And talking to me assuming that everything I say it's a lie, I could say that it's sunny and warm and they would take an umbrella and coats, because if I had said that its sunny, its a lie. How would I open up with people who doesn't trust me? Even more knowing that if they knew what is happening to me, they would use it to attack me, as if I wasn't broken enough
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#13
Could have a job, be living alone and have no friends or family. And Talk to and see no one. No one texts or calls. You spend your days in bed all day too scared of failing if tried to end it. And so anxious about economics and being a loser. No one looks for you or claims you if you die. No one wants a loser That is the alternative I live. Breathe. I wish you contentment soon.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#14
Could have a job, be living alone and have no friends or family. And Talk to and see no one. No one texts or calls. You spend your days in bed all day too scared of failing if tried to end it. And so anxious about economics and being a loser. No one looks for you or claims you if you die. No one wants a loser That is the alternative I live. Breathe. I wish you contentment soon.
Sorry for your situation *console
 

Inanimate

SF Dictionary 📚
#15
Well, sometimes they complain about me treating better other people in the family. That people are the ones who accept me as introverted and feel sorry for my depression and want me to get better but understand that it's not easy, so they only show me affection and never pressure me. I wonder why I connect better with that people, yes.

I can't complain about my family because they give me a home and all that, but... They always focus on the negative, I can do 9 things right and 1 wrong, only the wrong one exist, and if I mention the other 9 they tell me that it's thanks to them. Never enough, always being compared... And talking to me assuming that everything I say it's a lie, I could say that it's sunny and warm and they would take an umbrella and coats, because if I had said that its sunny, its a lie. How would I open up with people who doesn't trust me? Even more knowing that if they knew what is happening to me, they would use it to attack me, as if I wasn't broken enough
A lack of self-reflection seems to be a theme regarding some of your family members.

My mother is very much alike the people whom you’re describing. She insists that I confide in her, and when I finally humor her,
  • she’ll blame me for my problems
  • she’ll use what I’ve divulged to spite me later on
  • she’ll state the obvious solution with minimal consideration as if it hadn’t once crossed my mind
Trust and information is a frivolous thing to these people. They fail to appreciate the significance that we place on details and the words that we choose to convey them, so they pester us to purge it as if by right; yet it doesn’t stop there. They’re even presumptuous enough to insinuate that you’re lying. You may as well haven’t spoken at all.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#16
Sorry to hear that, I understand you...
That's why I never told them anything, I am hurt enough for my problems, I don't need people using them to attack me. It's not fair, instead of getting support, we get attacked with the things that hurt us
 

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