This is probably the last thread i am going to post on here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by givenuponlife, Jun 10, 2009.

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  1. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    I just can't do it anymore so much shit has piled up on my plate i cant handle anything else going wrong in my life. I wake up every morning with suicidal thoughts and they stick with me through out the day. I HATE IT

    I just want all this crap to end and have my life normal again i am almost to the breaking point of not being able to cope with everything. I don't have meds and i cant get into see my doc for another month. And then there is a possibility that they may admit me which i cant do. I have to much at stake to get fuckin admitted again.

    I think the best thing for me to do is to finally say fuck it and just go ahead with it. ( I wont say what it is though cause i will get mod edited)
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you choose not to act on these thoughts. I know what it is like to wake up to them everyday and have them follow you wherever you go. It becomes a learned behavior. It is not one that we would choose, but it still happened. Behavior that has been learned can be unlearned. It isn't an easy task, but I know you can do it.
     
  3. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    No one is worthless its just that when we feel so tired and worn out by life it makes us feel that way, please dont give up on yourself,i'm thinking of you tonight,x
     
  4. franko

    franko Member

    I'm new to the site but we all joined to help eachother, so please mate don't do anything stupid without taking to someone, trust me it's helped me more than once.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I hope you don't give up. Keep fighting, you can get through this. Like Franko said..talk to someone, it will help, you can PM me anytime :hug:
     
  6. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    i am trying to fight i just don't know how much longer i can fight, but all that keeps happening is i get swept under the rug and no one wants to help me.

    i think i am going to go do some SI its bout the only way i can feel like i am here and not numb like i have been, its bout the only thing i have control of in my life

    i hate feeling like this i hate it when my life just turns upside down and i cant get out of the black hole
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You know that you can eventually get out of the black hole as you have made this trip before. I am sorry things are so bad right now. Who do you turn to for help that denies it to you? Maybe it is time to reach outside that circle. Sometimes we find help where we least expect it to be. I wish there were more that I could do for you, but distance is a factor. Please stay as safe as you can. :hug:
     
  8. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    I thought about you last night and am hoping that i see another post from you today,i will check back,please stay safe
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Maybe you should try a therapist.. I have found therapy to be more help than seeing a shrink.. You can learn coping skills and how not to discount your positive thoughts.. I live dailey with suicidal thoughts but thru therapy I have learned to put them on the back burner and not let them dictate how my day is going to be.. My therapist told me that my suicidal thoughts are so deep rooted that I may live with them the rest of my life.. The key is to learn to control them which I have..I hope you find the same help!! Take care!!
     
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Please reply back and let us know you are still with us. There is help out there if you seek it.
     
  11. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    I know i have been i n a black hole before but it hasnt lasted almost 3 months like this one is, other then the post partum when everything started to fall apart 8yrs ago. But after being diagnosed back then this is the worst one that i have gone thru, they labelled me as having MAJOR DEPRESSION RECURRING which is another term for clinical depression, the worst depression that you can be labeled with having it is even worse then bi polar. And cause of me being in this black hole, i am having more episodes of anxiety and i may be only eating one meal a day thats if i decide to eat a meal at all. Lately i just dont have any apitiete, some days i force myself to eat when i am with family but other then that i usually just sleep most of the day away.

    And to answer another question i have tried therapy,theripists ,phycyatrists ,my family doctor, emergency doctors, councellors. I have tried them all, they have all either admitted me for a month so they dont have to deal with me or they say nothing is wrong and that if i was a regular patient of theirs that they wouldnt of admitted me even though i attempted suicide a week prior before getting admitted.

    And with the counsellors they all look at me and say (oh this will only be short term untill you can find something or someone more permanent). So i have said FUCK IT to talking to any doctors cause they think that i am faking my symptoms. I AM NOT..............................THE ONLY WAY I KNOW THAT THEY WILL LISTEN IS IF I DO ATTEMPT AGAIN

    So as you can tell i am still here, WHY??? i dont know
     
  12. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    i'm glad you're still hear and hope you keep posting to let us know you are,stay safe,x
     
  13. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    i think this is going to be my last reply, i can't do this anymore i am numb, i dont want to go outside anywhere at all i am confining myself to my house, i am not really eating properly, i am not talking to friends like i used to. i hate my life i cant shake these thoughts or feelings and by me posting its not helping so again this will be my last reply to this thread i am seriously thinking of taking this site off of my computer. I have made alot of friends on here, but i am the only one that can deal with what i am going through right now, i can talk and type till my fingers are sore and i am blue in the face but ultimately its me that has to deal with all the shit going on.

    so all i can say is bye all
    take care
    be safe
     
  14. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know ultimately we are all responsible for our own lives and only we can make any real changes,but please remember "where there's life there's hope" its just so hard to see that when we're going through the dark times in our lives,please stay safe,x
     
  15. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    Checking in on you again,just post anything so we know you're safe,x
     
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