This is really attention seeky...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Attention Seeker, Oct 25, 2008.

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  1. ... but I just need to know that someone hears how bad I feel. I don't have anyone to talk to, or anyone I feel I can talk to. I don't have any help and support. Last time I saw my GP I knew I was in a bad place and asked to go into hospital and he told me the Crisis Team wouldn't take me seriously and also that they saw anyone with my diagnosis as an attention seeker, so since then I haven't told anyone anything ( that was about a month and a bit ago and I hadn't seen him for ages before that). People look to me for support. I have no true friends who ask how I am and want to know, who I feel I can open up to or anything. I am a support machine.

    I feel awful. Absolutely fucking awful, and I just need someone to hear.

    Sorry, I AM an attention seeker. I'm just really sorry.

    And it's ok to ignore this, because I have posted and that's good enough for me.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling, "support machine". I'm keeping someone alive and she's never around when I'm feeling lousy.
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I know the feeling and I hear you :sad:

    I wanna say "you're not an attention seeker," but we all pretty much are, and it's okay to be sometimes. Hurts to go unnoticed.

    Good luck with things
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    know that feeling, support others but your own pain goes unnoticed, glad you got to speak up.

    stay around and see what happens.

    your not alone
  5. Thank you so much.

    It's so hard when the world and his mate expect me to support them, and I expect myself to support them. I so need some help, but I also know that there is nothing anyone can do (on the web) and nothing anyone will do (in real life).

    Thank you for acknowledging I'm feeling awful. I feel so stupid asking for someone to hear, but hey, I'm an attention seeker, what else can I do. :| I just wish I wasn't I wish I could be there for everyone and anyone, fade into the background, not talk about me, not meet people, just be a bit of the wallpaper as opposed to this, what I am.
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    No, I don't like this one bit.


    Everyone you support, they should be listening to you! Every word! My therapist is currently chewing me out for not making people meet MY needs - you should be getting YOUR needs met.
  7. It's ok that people don't listen to me. that's not the dynamics of the relationships I have with people, both because they generally don't consider me, but also because I won't open up to them because I know they aren't that interested and also because they can do nothing.

    I wish I could cope with this by myself, not talk about it, etc, but I can't, and for that I am deeply sorry. I tried to get myself a counsellor so I could pay someone to listen, but that just didn't work out and right now I don't have the strength to try again. I'm sinking, and it's scary. I'm sorry.
  8. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    join the forum and open up to us

    here you will be heard

    here you will be helped

    here you will be supported
  9. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    Hiya, if you were really an attention seeker you probably wouldn't admit to it, so I wouldn't worry about that. Hope you find someone to talk to who will want to listen. Take care.
  10. Thanks guys.

    I am a member of this forum. I have an account. I don't, however, use it. I rarely found support on here. That's ok, because there is nothing people can say.

    Thank you for the replies :) It's good to be heard for once.
  11. I feel really shit and so am just going to vent to get this out of my head.

    I'm so fed up of feeling shit. I see so many people sit and moan about how bad they feel and do very little to nothing, to improve their situation. I have done everything and anything I can think of to get help, get better, just make an improvement, and yet, nothing. I'm here, all alone, no support.

    I had a DBT assessment a while ago, but I doubt I'lll get the funding for it because I haven't ever got funding before. Why? Because I don't run to A&E if I cut or OD, apparently, I don't make enough of a nuisance of myself, and so its cheaper to leave me as I am, than it is to pay for DBT to help me feel better.

    The people that run for help at A&E, those that cry their eyes out, those that seek and crave the attention get help! I need help, can articulate exactly what I need, yet don't get it. I'm not someone who runs to A&E (and yes, my wounds are deep enough, I have lost a lot of the use of my left hand and need tendon reconstruction surgery apparently), I'm not someone who cries in front of people. I articulate what I need, and they think because I can smile and laugh that I am ok and don't need help. I tried so much, I told them the complete truth and they deemed me too complex to help and discharged me, thus leaving me by myself, to deal with this all by myself.

    I saw my GP before and begged to be in hospital, and he told me the crisis team wouldn't take me seriously, and that because of my diagnosis I am automatically seen as an attention seeker. So that rules out going to see my GP. I am not, and have always tried never to be an attention seeker. Yes, I need help, and that is a form of craving attention, but I'm not someone who does it all for attention. I genuinely feel so awful, and need some help to feel better so I can have a job, have a life, have a future. I have done all the work myself. I am better than I was, but the effort has been all mine, without any outside help.

    I'm so fed up of people moaning about feeling bad and not doing anything about it, and others just getting help handed to them on a plate. I know that sounds selfish, and I am glad for them, but what about me? What about me? Why am I so worthless that EVERYone gets help and not me.

    And it happens in everyday life too. Others have people to talk to. I don't. People expect me to support them. I always answer 'i'm fine'. I'm not, I'm most definitely not, but a, they don't really want to know the answer, and b, if I tell them the truth that makes me what my GP said, an attention seeker.

    I just feel so alone, and so very bad. Me myself feel depressed, but I have this other part that is trying to kill me, ansd it has nearly succeeded. Recently it took me up to a massvie bridge near where we live, and I had no recollection until a car going past beeped his horn and I can't back to me, and made a hasty retreat down the bridge. I am trying not to die, but another part of me is desperate to die.

    I just need to feel better. I need to. I can't keep doing this.

    I'm sorry for seeking attention. I'm sorry for wasting space. I'm just sorry.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Bits are cheap. Rant as long as you want.

    It sounds like a bullshit system, but have you tried going to the hospital without your GP? [I don't know what A&E is, by the way] Maybe just head to the emergency room. Also, could you get counselling outside of A&E? There are a lot of services around that can help people who need therapy get therapy.
  13. Thanks for the reply :)

    A&E is Accident and Emergency, so the equivalent of ER, if that means more to you?

    I have been there sometimes when people have taken me, but I would just end up seeing the crisis team who have no interest in me, so that's really quite pointless in this area. I have tried finding counselling, and have tried several different counsellors and also different charities to see what they offer, but the counsellors didn't work out despite really trying to push through the problems, and the charities in this area are, quite frankly, Shit. I have looked at all the options I have found myself, and also all those that have been suggested and the only thing that came from it was that I was awarded Disability Living Allowance, which does give me more money so if there was a decent option of private therapy I could do it, but I have yet to find one.

    Sorry, I'm really moany, but I just knwo there is nothing that people can do or say. I'm banging my head against one wall after another. I wish the NHS in my area was decent and that my stupid brain was not broken.

    My god! I annoy myself. I'm sorry.
  14. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay, so we're running into trouble here. You have tried everything, except the thing you know will work.
    Go in there, COVERED with blood and tears, completely incoherent, get everyone in the waiting room SCARED... Do it once, do it right, get the help you need.
  15. lol, yeh, I see what you are saying. The whole idea of it is SO not me, and could only happen if I was genuinely like that. Last time I was there was in March, I had ODed, couldn't physically walk, or see, went blue/gray because I couldn't breathe, my body was shutting down. I was in hospital only 24 hours (the reaction I had was due to the type of tablets I took and once they saw improvement they sent me home) and then sent home with no further support.

    So even if I do go like that, I mean, what can they do? They will eithet keep me in hospital, which, when I was sectioned before (a six month section and released after 4 days) traumatised me beyond belief and 2 years on I still have nightmare and panic attacks and stuff, or refer me to the CMHT who have deemed me too complex to help.

    I hear what you're saying. I would have to keep going back and back and back, and still probably get nothing. I'm sorry, I',m not deliberately fbing awkjward and what you are is filtering in, im just feeling really lost an dhopeless right now. thank you for the reply though, means more thnsa youll know.
  16. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    My only other thoughts are to move somewhere else or see an ombudsman or something. This whole thing sounds entirely bullshit.
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