this is really hard...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by KittyGirl, Dec 30, 2009.

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  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I really don't want to be here anymore.
    I don't want to feel this hurt for however many more months or years it will take to get over things...
    I've never really been happy- I don't want to return to the numbness that I felt before I had my heart broken, either.

    I'm scared to meet up with any friends from the past who want to see me
    I don't want them to see me like this. I'm just a husk of a person who can't even do the normal day to day things anymore.
    I don't want to be so dependant on my mom taking care of me... she has her own life to take care of.
    I don't want to make my sister worry every day that I might be hurting myself or throwing up.
    Everything hurts to much and I can't do anything about it. my body doesn't seem to care- and my heart is too preoccupied with wanting him back.
    I've been hurt so badly from such a normal thing... breakups happen- I should've been able to move forward; even just a step, in the past 4 months.

    I just realized today that our usual anniversary date will be shared with the day of the month that he broke up with me.
    That really sucks... a day that used to make me so excited makes me hate everything now.

    All of my friends are getting married- when everyone thought I'd be the first to get married.
    Everyone I know is getting pregnant and having babies... and that was always one of my dreams; to have a baby.
    I can't even talk to anyone anymore-- they all make me so jealous and selfconscious.

    I couldn't even move myself from my bed today. I locked myself in my room with the music on- and cried... all day.
    The only one who was here to comfort me was my kitty.
    I'm still crying even now-- I can't turn them off the way I'd like.
    My eyes are burning and my chest hurts; I can't breathe...
    I just really don't want to be here anymore.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi KittyGirl,
    I read what you wrote and can tell you are in alot of pain and for that I am sorry. I am glad you posted though and please know I am here for you.

    I know what it like to not want to be "here" anymore because of the pain and sense of hopelessness so if you need somone to listen and chat with feel free to contact me.

    I feel like my life is a bit a big mess and don't want to see those that knew me during better times either but hopefully this will pass for us both.

    As far as your mother I am sure she does not mind taking care of say you want a baby? If your baby needed you, you would not mind would you? I don't think so and am sure your mom feels the same love towards you though she may not be able to there how you need right now.

    Your sister cares too I am care about her too right? My guess is you don't feel to good about you so you thinking the worse and being hard on yourself when you need to be gentle to YOU. YOu would do the same for you mom and sister I bet it.

    It has been 2 years plus since I got dumped and I have not moved forward in this area much at all...I don't know why exactly but lately I have made a bit of progress. Obviously this love meant a great deal to you and honor it by giving yourself time to grieve. I don't know you but can tell you hold yourself to high standarnds but honestly four months is not much time at all they say a year to grieve and for me that is more than true so please go gentle on yourself.

    Also please give yourself some space,,,it is understandable to feel envoious ofthose that have what you just lost and what your heart wants so badly, again please be gentle with you as you seem to have such a big heart.

    Please feel free to write back here or in PM as I do care and know the pain of losing love that you thought would last forever...take care, be gentle with you and know that I care,
    Bambi :arms:
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Breakups are so hard. I think they hurt the worse. My mom said to me, "go home and cry for three weeks, then get up and move on even if you're still hurting."

    I used her method. I've found it would take a good year before I felt I was over it, even if there was still a little pain. The main think is I was getting up and doing my part in life. It was the foundation that allowed me to rebuild when I was ready.

    It think it's different for all of us, how long it takes to get through it. I do encourage you to get up and out and about, even if you feel like a mindless robot moving about.

  4. nos nomed

    nos nomed Well-Known Member

    Yes breakups are hard! It's such a shame that in the society we live in today people have become so self-absorbed that they play around with relationships like its a toy and end up hurting so many good people because they were never taught to respect the other persons feelings or that relationships are something you work at not perfect little happy uses of other people that only give you what you want.

    I am sorry you are in pain I know the feeling I to recently was left by the girl I was sure I would be with forever. She told me she was seeing someone else on my birthday. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that there might be someone out there who is needing my love and one day I'll be her strength and reason in life. I hope that one day you find someone who will love you like you deserve to be and in your happiness you will make this world a better place for the future generations!
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