I really don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to feel this hurt for however many more months or years it will take to get over things... I've never really been happy- I don't want to return to the numbness that I felt before I had my heart broken, either. I'm scared to meet up with any friends from the past who want to see me I don't want them to see me like this. I'm just a husk of a person who can't even do the normal day to day things anymore. I don't want to be so dependant on my mom taking care of me... she has her own life to take care of. I don't want to make my sister worry every day that I might be hurting myself or throwing up. Everything hurts to much and I can't do anything about it. my body doesn't seem to care- and my heart is too preoccupied with wanting him back. I've been hurt so badly from such a normal thing... breakups happen- I should've been able to move forward; even just a step, in the past 4 months. I just realized today that our usual anniversary date will be shared with the day of the month that he broke up with me. That really sucks... a day that used to make me so excited makes me hate everything now. All of my friends are getting married- when everyone thought I'd be the first to get married. Everyone I know is getting pregnant and having babies... and that was always one of my dreams; to have a baby. I can't even talk to anyone anymore-- they all make me so jealous and selfconscious. I couldn't even move myself from my bed today. I locked myself in my room with the music on- and cried... all day. The only one who was here to comfort me was my kitty. I'm still crying even now-- I can't turn them off the way I'd like. My eyes are burning and my chest hurts; I can't breathe... I just really don't want to be here anymore.