This is so lame, so don't read it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kate., Jun 8, 2008.

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  1. Kate.

    Kate. Member

    What makes me feel lame:

    I'm fat (15 lbs overweight) because I overeat and don't exercise. I don't have clothes that fit me and look nice because my fatness makes it difficult (and degrading) to go out and buy something decent and because I feel like the other people are staring at me. I act awkward and very self-conscious when I'm around people because I feel fat and ugly and under-dressed, which in turn makes them feel awkward, so then it's even harder to act normal.

    I want to go out and exercise, because that would help me lose weight and generally feel better, and because I still love and miss swimming and running, but I don't because I feel like people are staring at me and my fat is jiggling and they can see all the marks on my skin. So then I end up spending more time at home, which leaves me more time to sleep and get fatter and pick at my skin. All of this makes me feel like shit so I eat something fatty, which makes me gain more weight and feel even shittier.

    So then this shitty feeling makes me sit around the house (if I don't have class) and ruminate over how fat and hideous and awkward I am. When I should be doing something else, like studying, I get distracted by eating or picking or looking up info on the net (about something that's on my Failures That Make Me Feel Shitty list). I can barely even concentrate on that because I'm so fidgety, probably because I don't exercise and sit around doing nothing all day. I don't have friends because I sit around the house doing nothing and social interaction is very awkward and shameful.

    So studying is hard (getting into a study group nearly impossible due to my loner-status), and social interaction is even harder; good grades + good references are two very important things I need to make it to med school, and two very important things I don't have. My dream is falling apart [adds to the list of FTMMFS].

    This is what I mean when I say that I'm stuck. Being stuck is very frustrating and makes me want to die (and all the ruminations and morbid/gory/violent thoughts that come with that, I'm sure you all know what I mean), which adds to the feeling of being stuck, because believing that I'll be dead anyway is not conducive to change.

    It's so lame and ridiculous. I could go on and on and on but this is so fucking lame. The lameness makes me feel shitty already so you don't have to point it out.
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're in a vicious cycle. You've got to get interested in something outside of yourself.
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I've been that way before too, but I wish I was just 15 lbs over average weight. If you ever would like to talk, hun....feel free to contact me. Take care. :hug:
  4. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    do aerobics or get a job doing hard/active labor. it sucks but it sounds like you really want to lose the weight. also stop eating junk and unhealthy foods--try to recognize and realize the benefits of fasting and going without. i'm not trying to induce an eating disorder--if you lose the weight and are still feel fat you need help with deeper issues...

    you're NOT lame! just confused. :hug:
  5. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    I no many who are sensitive about body weight, but from an outside perspective it matters little. 15 lbs is not what I would call 'fat' and probably very few people notice. It's not your fault you're fat, it's just it bothers you more than it should. Don't let this embarressment get in the way of what you love to do, because it's not even something to be embarressed about. Go out and do what you love, most people do not notice minor details like that and if they do it's because they have their own personal self esteem problems. The more at peace you are with yourself, the easier it will be to acheive all of your goals, and why shouldn't you be? You are a perfectly normal person.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm a little confused, you said you swim and run. Those are two good reasons to get off your hind in.Even if you just start out by swimming, it will burn calories. I had a swimming pool in the park we use to live in. I swam everyday especially during the summer. besides getting in shape I also got a good tan. When school started back I would walk in holding my head high.
    You really need to get out of the house before it sucks you in. I have isolated for fourteen years in my bedroom. The only time I come out is when I need something. Or if I have an appointment with my therapist. Isolation is a big problem with me. I have trust issues, so I avoid ppl all togethor.
    You have a whole life ahead of you. You have to learn to luv yourself before you can luv somone else. Try to eat healthy foods like vegs.and fruit. You also need to do something about your eating habits. They say it is better to eat seven times a day. You just eat small amounts of food over the seven times a day.
    What interests you the most? What do you like to do? Just take baby steps at first. For instance walk to the end of your street and back. Do you have a dog? if so take him walking with you. That gives you an excuse to get out there. Well good luck and we will wait to hear how your doing!:chopper:
  7. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    You said you go to classes, so I take that you're a student. Does your campus having nature trails or running trails that you can use? I went running a lot in college and lost a ton of weight. Another benefit was that the trails were pretty deserted, so coming across someone else was a rare occurance.
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