this is surreal

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by iceblue, Dec 20, 2012.

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  1. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    On track for losing my home. No job due to long-term illness, but likely to have benefits cut and yet unable to work full-time and have no trained career. Single, older and unattractive (basically ugly) and unable to meet anyone because of it.
  2. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Hi Rachel.

    I'm sorry about losing your home. We went through that earlier this year. It was hard, but we got through it. We can't afford health insurance right now, and that makes it tough.

    I also have health issues, and know how hard it is to work and support yourself when you are dealing with that. I'm not all that familiar with what is available where you are, but are there any social services that provide work training? Hopefully someone can give some advice on what is available there.

    As far as physical beauty, I am guessing you are way too hard on yourself. And beauty is subjective in any case. But what is going to attract people to us most is our belief in our own self worth. And love is about how you make the other person feel. If we concentrate on reaching out, and making others feel good, they want to spend time with us, and get to know who we are.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do you have a case worker hun use them to make sure your benefits are not cut ok I am sorry you are struggling hun hope you reach out toyour community for the supports that are there hugs
  4. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    It's cold, unfeeling world out there, Iceblue. Most everything I thought to be, turned out not so. I can't speak to the UK, but here, there isn't much compassion or REAL help to be found. For what it's worth, I care. ((hug))
  5. liamthomas

    liamthomas Member

    Tired John is right, you have to make yourself strong the world does not care about you, being ugly (if you really are) does not matter I see ugly people, deformed people, fat people with nice attractive people all the time. If you ae going to be homeless then don't let them take everything, seel everything and get ready to start over with some money in your pocket.
  6. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    Just tried to post a reply but got logged out. I appreciate your replies. Just feel so alone and wish I had come to terms with being alone many years ago. I do have family but they didn't want to support me when I lived at home with them, and I was never able to go back once I left home in my late teens. I feel this kind of emotional pain and wake feeling anxious.
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    It's not really the world's responsibility to care about us, it is up to each of us ourselves. Fight a strong battle. I can't really speak to benefits in the UK that could assist you (I know in the U.S. there are many programs that would help out). Have you considered taking on a roommate to assist in paying the mortgage so you do not lose your home? As for being alone, keep in mind that the best and longest lasting relationships are those that are built on the person, and not upon their looks. Get out and meet people as friends first, then let the romance follow.
  8. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    I see what you are saying about taking responsibility for ourselves pickwithaustin, but somehow my boundaries have been blurred since small and I felt that I have been there for others and put them first when I have been able to and now that I'm realising that I haven't taken care of myself its late on in the day and I don't know that I physically and emotionally can and that's what really scares me.

    I appreciate that you have a can do attitude which I think is really positive, I don't know, i just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I have been buying some small token gifts with what money I've got for family and people I've known but it seems like others needs are met and mine haven't been. I find it hard that I'm much poorer than everybody else and get so lonely - does that seem wrong?

    My flat is rented and I'm having to look for somewhere else - I'm sorry I should have explained that - I didn't mean to mislead - I'm 'losing' it because I have to move out and I invested in carpeting it but the government will very soon no longer support me living here even though the rent is relatively low because technically it has a spare bedroom whilst my son is at university. They will instead deduct over £70 per month off my housing support which I can't afford. I'm trying to find a one bedroomed housing association flat, but I'm finding it harder than I thought and I don't have funds to decorate it. I realise that this isn't the same as people who find themselves on the streets - I just find my own situation very daunting because I don't have any transport and I don't know where I will end up.

    After writing the above, I'm realising that other people may be going through much tougher times, but I just don't seem to cope well and feel daunted by whats happening. I think I've just got worn down.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2012
  9. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    After writing the above, I realise that all I can do - the only thing I can do - is try and think of things, even if they are small, that are okay and that I am able to do, maybe just for today.
  10. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    That's a very good insight Rachel....... I certainly remember it's what I had to do 15 years ago in order to climb out of the pit I was in. "Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof" - meaning we should really only take one day at a time and think of the positive things we can do - just for today :)
  11. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    While each of us has reasons to feel down, we can always find others who have things worse than us. That does not change how we feel though, so it's not always good to compare. Yes, there will always be something worse. With that said, you can always climb back out of even what seems the darkest despair. I, at one time, lived in a vehicle with my wife and son... we ate one meal a day and that was just beans. We had gone from having a lot to having very little. Today, we have everything we could ever want (sometimes I think too much) and so certainly time healed what was bad and we had another start again. You can too. It does not happen fast, but time is relative.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2012
  12. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies. Pickwithaustin - that sounds like quite a story - I would really like to hear more about it, although I'm a bit scared that I might fall into the trap of comparing myself unfavourably again which I'm starting to realise I do a lot.
  13. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    Going to my mum's for Christmas and my son is coming for a couple of days. But the last time two times I went my stepfather left me out by not offering me something to eat, when he was snacking with his own child, my half-sister, in the evening. It may sound minor, but I can't bear the thought of him doing that to my son. I find it really hurtful behaviour and I actually feel scared that it might happen.
  14. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    i should explain that the reason i find it so hard is because it triggers past issues of being mistreated and neglected as a child - it just makes me feel powerless
  15. I do believe that it's the world's (meaning other people) responsibility to care about us, that it's all of our responsibility to care for others. I believe that the reason so many of us suffer depression isn't because of a made-up chemical imbalance, but because our society is structured to keep us separate from one another, to see others as outside of ourselves. We are all one. And if we could all realize and embrace that fact the world would be beautiful.

    Not that I ever think it's going to happen, but I'm trying to live my life that way.

    And maybe I'm misinterpreting what you meant by your post, pickwithaustin, and I certainly don't mean to be argumentative. I just believe differently than a lot of people about the role society plays in making people feel bad about their lives. I also agree with you that it is up to the individual to love themselves first, tho.

    iceblue, if it will make you feel any better, I'm poor too. I have literally no income and am living with relatives, which I'm grateful for. I have no money for xmas to buy anyone a gift and I expect no gifts from others. Somehow or another this isn't making me feel bad. Maybe it's because my rejection of the materialistic society is almost complete. And I make no apologies for how I feel. And I think that the reason we feel bad about being poor is the fault of others. Others that are shallow and without a heart and the capacity to love.

    I've quit watching TV, and it's made me happier. We are bombarded constantly by the media that if we don't have what they're selling we are somehow less. I reject that notion. We are whole and complete as we are.

    Anyway, Merry Christmas. I want you to know that I care about how you feel. And I hope you can find some peace.
  16. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    hi whatsthepoint,

    Thanks for writing and for caring about how I feel - I appreciate that. I did write back before but I lost the reply. My main problem is that I don't think I can manage to survive financially at the moment because of not being able to manage a full-time job and not being able to live with anybody. It makes me think of suicide quite a bit - but I'm scared, scared of dying. I think about it a lot. The only person who might understand is my son, but he's at university at the moment and has ambitions of his own so I can't offload my stuff onto him especially as he's sensitive and it could just all be too much for him. He's only just really starting to find his feet, and the fact that I never found mine I don't think should be allowed to undermine his own efforts at living his life.
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