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This is the end, beautiful friend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fox in the Woods, Jul 10, 2009.

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  1. Fox in the Woods

    Fox in the Woods Active Member

    I don't really know why I'm typing this. I don't expect anybody who reads this will actually care. Life has dealt me a few hard knocks...more than a few actually. My family is not the supportive family I hoped they would be. They are very close minded, extremely racist, sexist and are very big believers in Christianity. I myself have found throughout the years that Christianity is not the path in life I wish to follow and have become Buddhist.

    I don't hate Christians or anything like that, I just don't believe in Christianity anymore. My parents make me go to church anyway every Sunday where I feel like a complete liar the whole time. I hate going to church because it brings back painful memories of when I was molested by a priest in my church. My parents can't comprehend this, and make me go anyway. Everything has been getting worse and worse over the past few years and after years of self harm, alcohol abuse, bad harmful relationships I have decided that I can't take anymore and that I am going to end my life. I can't see how it will get any better from here. I have no one to support me, the antidepressants aren't working and my psychologist isn't helping me at all. School is so demanding because I'm in my senior year and I know I only have a few more months to go but I can't hold on any longer.

    So this is my last shot. If I can't get my life back on track by the end of this year, I'm going to kill myself.
  2. Elysia

    Elysia Member


    Sorry to hear things are so bad for you. I'm in a similar place so not the best person to help really. I dont have answers. But it sounds like you need to find some support and it sounds like you need some space from your family. Its doesnt sound like they are considering your feelings or have your best interests at heart. Sorry to be blunt. Have you tried the college counsellor? College stuff is stressful but that's a stress which is overwhelming at the time but does go away pretty quickly afterwards. Being abused is something that sits much deeper and getting help and suport for it is essential. Dont let people try and keep you quiet or minimise it. You can heal your wounds. It takes time and it is v painful but you can and will get there if you commit to it. Might not feel that way of course. You have so much life left. Dont let the abusers win or destroy you. I care what happens to you. Lots of other people will and do too. Reach out to them to help you

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Fox,
    I also left the church and follow Native American Beleifs..I told my family that is what I beleive in and at first they were skeptical but after a while they learned to accept it..
    You really should talk to your doctor about your AD's not working for you.. Everyones body chemistry is different so they have to experiment until they find the right combination that helps you..I'm on five different meds and for the most part they are helping..I still have SI but have learned how to deal with it..I fight it on a daily basis..
    Another thing you should try is therapy to help you work thru your pain of being molested..You can learn some good coping skills from a therapist.. I hope some of this helps.. Your not alone!!!
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please get some help talk with a coucillor a therapist that deals with assaults someone to show you how to become a survivor not stay a victim. Please don't let this ass of a priest destroy your life take it back and perhaps in doing so you can help others to survive. You need help to end your pain your in Medication can help go to your doctor and see if you can get hooked up with a good therapist You deserve to be happy We are always here for you any time you need to vent talk but you need someone who specializes in abuse as well take care
  5. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hi hun :hug: i'm sorry you've had to go through all this, perhaps talking to a therapist would help? i know troubles with families can be very hard because you don't want to disappoint them or make them upset, but if going to church makes you this uncomfortable, they shouldn't make you go - especially as you don't share the views of those around you there. maybe try talking to them again? i hope things work out hun :arms: if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here :heart: please stay and let us help
    triggs xx
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums.

    You need to tell your doctor that the anti depressants aren't helping. They can't help what they don't know hun. Have you told your psychologist that therapy isn't making you feel any better? You can either resolve the issues with him/her or find a new one. Don't give up and I'm very sorry to hear you were abused.
    I'm always around if you need to talk. :hug:

    Daisy x
  7. Fox in the Woods

    Fox in the Woods Active Member

    I don't think I really have a choice about whether I go to church or not. Every time I have a discussion about me not going to church, by dad ends up getting angry at me and yelling and my mum starts crying because she's worried about my immortal soul. She feels as though me not believing in God is all her fault no matter how much I try to convince her. I'm not sure about switching to a different meds. There's supposedly a really rough patch in between where the chemicals in your body are all mixed up and you feel even worse. I have told my psychologist that the treatment isn't helping and so I have stopped going to see her. I'm not seeing anyone about my problems right now, I don't know if it's an option for me right now.
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