This is the end, I don't see a way out of this.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shi, Sep 29, 2008.

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  1. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    Yesterday evening I took a nice bath. While doing this I just thought why not take the hairdryer and throw it into the water, but somehow I was not able to do it. I still call myself a coward. I keep on going day by day and I don't know for what reason.

    I keep on transfering from one University to the next. Always running away, always thinking that there might be another one where I find more people, a better degree etc...always trying to socialize with people, but ending up as a loner. Now I wanna go again and I know this is the last chance I have. But I am so afraid coz I know it will happen again. My parents will never forgive me if I fail again, I will never forgive me. Coz if this is not working out successfully there will be nothing left for me.

    My parents do not believe me, they just think I am lazy. I dont have any friends I could talk to and my Mom's boyfriends made my life a living hell. I have never learned to trust people. My life is empty and all I feel is hate, pain, darkness and lonliness.

    All I want is a life in peace, but it seems that I am asking for too much. :blub:
     
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Your parents should accept you regardless! Have you told them how much pressure they are putting you under? If they knew that they are making you want to end things I'm sure they would stop and be more considerate.
     
  3. ecorg911

    ecorg911 Active Member

    Even if you don't why you didn't go through with it (contiously), I do. You are not that selfish, you don't want to hurt people around you. Becuase by doing so you would, fact. That makes you a good person :)

    I do understand how you feel when you are going to Uni, its one of those places where you have to have a paticular kind of attitude and stance, and not everyone has that. That's why I didnt go, but i'm still taking a degree.

    As for parants thinking your lazy, well thats just a general perception of a parantal nature. I don't know anyones parants who don't moan or nag them :p

    To be honest there are always people in life who will try and bring you down, make you upset. But these people are the most lonely and upset people themselves. No one wants to feel lonely and upset right? You keep trying and don't give up, people are here for you, including myself. You are not alone :)
     
  4. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    i've got friends just as fucked up as me just be your self around people and your sure to find friends also enemies.
     
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