This is the end of it.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Monsieur, Sep 10, 2010.

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  1. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Whew, what a run. What a goddamn fucking awful run I've made in my horribly short life. I can't take another year of this, nor the year after that, and so forth. I just can't. All the insecurities that have developed upon me are much too brutal, there's just no way out. Each day, watching and reeling at seeing how happy and successful my peers are while I drown in my isolation and insecurity. There's so much I wanted to do, yet now that I'm looking back it doesn't matter. People are constantly being born as others die. There's probably another one out there who will eventually replace everything I was but better. I'll just be another number on a statistic, another lost cog in the machine no matter how bright or unusual, it's all the same.

    I am a coward? Yes, yes I am, but what of it? Death is egalitarian, it truly sees nothing different among all humans, among all life. This Sunday seems like an opportune time to go. There's a very tall bridge within driving distance, guess I'll go pay my visits.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please dont' give up. :hug:
  3. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    death is permanent.
  4. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    I really and truly hope that you reconsider the short time that I've been a member of this website, you've always struck me as a young man with his head on straight. Life is full of challenge, and full of misery...but the challenges come and go for most, and they can come and go for us as well- we just have to make our way over the hills and through the valleys to get there.

    And the isn't necessarily permanent- if death is egalitarian, then surely misery and challenge are equally so. So rather than taking that way out, why not ponder a lengthier timeline, and a game plan that you wish to accomplish before you arrive at this place again?

    And if you need to vent, want to talk, or even bounce ideas off of someone, I'd be happy to help you in any way that I can.

    Don't resign yourself to hasn't given up on you, and I'd venture to say neither has your family, or those who proudly count themselves as your friends...whether you know it or not!
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2010
  5. themza

    themza Member

    insecurities can change sir! plus they are always in comparison to others around you. you cant base what is right off of everyone else. if you are feeling insecure there is always a way out of it, by slowly changing the way you think. yeah humans are being born and dieing every day but if youre lucky enough to be alive you should try to make something out of it. there has to be something out there you like and that you want to do, go follow it. i would surely love to talk about this kinda stuff with you and maybe exchange ideas about all this. i can share with you some of the methods that have kept me out of ending it. anything to help. hit me up on "pm" if you want to talk

  6. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    PLEASE, PLEASE don't visit that bridge. You mentioned that there was so much that you wanted to do, maybe you could make a bucket list and try to accomplish some of those things. Set some goals. Start with just a few. Please keep trying.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    dam depression boy it has you deep so deep you are not seeing clearly at all
    get some help okay get help now new meds new therapist shake up you world a bit make things happen crisis line use it okay you matter to alot of people and you are important don't let the depression win okay don't
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Like Trentgrad, I think you are quite a reasonable, decent person. I enjoyed speaking with you in the chat when I first joined, and wish you would not go through with this!
  9. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Thank you all, I wanted to do a more comprehensive reply but I'm feeling exhausted right now. These horrid mood swings are finally breaking me down. As I come to the point in which I'll be legally recognized as an independent adult, I realized that I couldn't be farther from independence. My pdoc appointment isn't until a month away, but I'll see if my school counselor will be of any help at all. I've resisted considering medication these entire six years of hell, but perhaps if I don't try it I might die anyways.

    I wish had some guidance in my life.
  10. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Your my twin...except my moods don't swing to often and if it does,it is for a very very short period of time.

    I'm still trying to figure out if a 25ft. Drop onto cement would knock me out long enough for me to drown...
  11. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. It's just the endless oppression of this weariness that I cannot seem to shake.
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