...I am a future disappointment. so many people look up to me as if they know I'm going to be something great. my parents put such high expectations on me that i am almost positive that i will let them down. if you knew me, you probably wouldn't understand why I'm so unhappy with my life. i have many friends, i do ok in school and i don't really have any family problems. i think about killing myself every single day though. i disgust myself. the future scares me. i don't want to see the day where all my passions and beliefs fade away. i don't wont to be just another working citizen. I'd rather die than watch all the friends i love so much fade away while I'm left alone. i hate the person i have become. i hurt the people that are closest to me all the time. i don't care about the things i should and my family thinks i hate them. i am a horrible son/brother/grandson. my friends would never guess how suicidal i actually am. i pretend to be happy when i'm with them. i feel guilty when people have pity for me because i don't deserve it. i am not looking for attention but only help. my life is seemingly perfect, yet i still wish i wasn't alive. i have attempted suicide twice and I am considering finishing the job. please don't hesitate to give me your advice or share your experiences with me, I'm so close to doing something i know would be wrong.