This Is The Worst It's Gotten

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by wendolynmarie, Aug 18, 2009.

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  1. wendolynmarie

    wendolynmarie Active Member

    I didn't cut for a few months. I thought I was doing really well. But tonight I did it again. And this is the worst it's ever been. When I did it before I usually did 5 to 7 cuts. But tonight I did 34. I'm scared. I want to do it more. I want to feel it again. I want to see the blood. I want to give up and just cut myself up till I have no more room. I don't even remember the reasons why I stopped anymore. It's all left me. My mind is blank. The only thing I want to do right now is feel more and more pain. I don't know what to do anymore. Help.
     
  2. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    You have to try and fight the urge with other techniques to calm your thoughts and/or emotions. What are the reasons you cut in the first place?

    For me relaxation exercises can help (breathing, progressive relaxation - you can find videos online or purchase one somewhere), or just writing out all my thoughts and feelings in detail in a diary. Talking to someone always helps - whether its a therapist or friend (though I'd highly recommend a therapist). Dialectical-Behavior Therapy in particular is geared towards self-harm and i what I'm trying right now.
     
  3. wendolynmarie

    wendolynmarie Active Member

    I cut because I realized how much better my friends lives are without me in them. About a week ago they told me they needed a break from me because I was turning into a different person. I've never seen them this happy before. I also realized how much I've hurt people and how much damage I've caused.

    I've never gone to a therapist before. But I have my first appointment set for Friday. But this therapist specializes in adolescence who have suffered sexual abuse. I don't know if they would want to talk about other things or what.
     
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