this is the worst kind of pathetic

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by molotov, Dec 1, 2009.

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  1. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    it is my birthday and i can't stop crying, who the fuck does this?
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Someone who's hurting a hell of a lot? :hug:
  3. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    eh, maybe but what gives? i was totally fine just a couple of hours ago. this shit is getting boring
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hiya Molotov :)
    Mostly I start feeling down(er) a couple of weeks before my birthday.
    It might sound weird, but on the other hand, I think if peopel are depressed, or just hate
    life, like me, I guess it makes you feel like, another year and still nothing changed....
    Anyway, I want to wish you a great birthday, despite the way you feel now; I don't know if you have friends or family to celebrate with, but try to make a celebration out of it, because you're still alive and every year that you survive keeps the door open for healing, love, happiness.....
    Yet, have a great day,take care of you
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2009
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: I do that. I always feel down on my birthday because I don't have anyone to celebrate it with and also because I haven't achieved anything anyone my age has. I'm dreading my 21st birthday.

    Happy birthday to you, I hope there will be many many more :)
  6. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    I guess that must be it.. lonely, underachieving. And ashamed.. I feel obligated to tell people (er, I got an early start on the whining last night, it is still my birthday, except in some parts of the Pacific) as some kind of social custom, but then I immediately feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself for having mentioned it (pathetic attention-seeking child, plz to be growing up already etc etc) that when they say happy birthday (like you do) or ask what I'm doing for it (like you do) or tell me to cheer up (like you do) or basically make conversation at all (like you do) I just want to cry and run away (which I did, but thankfully not in that order, and because I'm a freelancer it is no problem if I just leave the office). Awesome.

    I hate to spend my birthday making my first therapist appointment but I gotta get this shit under control before people start noticing. ergh

    thanks for your kind words. hope you're well today, all of you
  7. Vermin

    Vermin New Member

    I know how you feel, Molotov; feeling ashamed and disgusted when talking about it, wanting to run away... My birthday's coming up in a few days, I have a feeling it'll be similar to how yours was.
    Happy birthday though, hope you take care of yourself and keep up the fight... :smile:
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    You are describing to a 't' how I feel most of the time, shame, self disgust, and the internal judge that says everyone thinks I'm just being attention-seeking every time I open my mouth. Like now for instance (semi lol). You're talking of finding yourself a therapist, that sounds like a positive thing to do. This kind of stuff, these kinds of feelings they're almost impossible to sort out on your own (at least that's what I've found). If you feel up to talking more about it, please pm me!

    And I hope you did have a happy birthday, at least that you found something good about yourself to celebrate. :smile:
  9. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    i am sorry you can relate so well, tam. that's exactly it, that's the whole story.

    had two typical such conversations with the same friend on the phone today, the first where he obviously didn't know it was my birthday so we commiserated about how it was "just another day in just another week, another boring ordinary stupid wednesday, but tomorrow is a new day" and then the second after his roommate had tipped him off that it was my birthday (facebook, you auto-reminding little bastard) so he called to apologize profusely. i felt totally ashamed for having mentioned it to other people earlier and then totally ashamed for not mentioning it to him and then totally ashamed for having put him in the position where he noticed that i hadn't said it and totally ashamed for having created a situation where he felt like he had to apologize for something that was my fault and then and then and then... there is really just no winning these fun little mental games, is there?

    i did make a therapist appointment. for friday morning. i hope that turns out to be a good idea.

    vermin, i wish you the best of luck with yours.. and you as well, irishdoll. mine is finally over and i am still alive if not exactly filled with elated wonder at the magic of existence; i hope yours push you more in that direction but shooting for "still alive" is also ok under our circumstances, i think.

    take care all.
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