this is to anyone that wonders why i am here

[Entity]

My life really cant be all that bad.. there are sooo many people who have it a lot worse off than me, i know that... but i cant help but to feel sorry for myself too.. whuch is selfish .. i dont even think i deserve to be living still.. there are so many people that died already that were doing a much better job at being human and living...
My story is that i started self-harming at age 12 as a way of punishing myself for my parents divorce... and then i found out that my dad had been cheating on my mom.. sooo many nights i watched my mom cry and cry and cry and sleep in my little sister's room.. and my dad would never even be home.. he was working.. today though i wonder if he was actually "working".. going through the pain and trying my best not to show that it was hurting me..we moved away, my mom my sister and my brother all moved away from my family.. less than a year after my parents divorce my dad got remarried.. and at that point we had started only seeing my my dad maybe every other weekend.. that summer i found out my mom was a lesbian. soon after that i found out that my mom had started seeing this woman (now my stepmom) with my dads permission before their divorce. i already was very depressed for whatever reasons of the fights and i think holding back all of my emotions was a big part of it too. but i also am very very shy. I am lost and confused in life and i dont understand things easily.. i dont trust people very much i have been lied to too much. i get upset easily. and i am very open to people's opinions and fully understand that they are their opinions but i also need for my voice to be heard too.

so to the people that question .. aww she seems so happy she shouldnt be on here. i am not happy.. but i am very good at putting a mask on and trying to be happy for other people but when i am alone i have a completely different personality..

 

[jameslyons]

Thanks for the introduction. Just don't let your mask interfere with your happiness. It sounds like its been a tough time.

 

[mdmefontaine]

thanks for sharing your story - it seems very painful.

i am glad you reached out on the forum for support. pm if you want to talk, and i hope you find a lot of support. your story is similiar to many others. . xxx

 

[~Claire]

Welcome to SF Katie :hug:.

It sounds like you've had a rough time. We're here if you want to talk honey.

:arms: Claire xx

 

[Angelo_91]

nobodys judging you

 

[DiscoverPeaceOfMind]

Hiya Katie, Sounds like your parents had a hard time....and you a harder time coz you were stuck in their environment....they weren't stuck in yours. By writing how you feel you've already discovered the good news that you don't have to subscribe to their type of world. You can make your own model of the world, and you've begun that. Congratulations. Get out of the 'Comfort Zone' that is soooo uncomfortable, and stretcccchhhh yourself with new exciting adventures in the 'Living Zone'. Using energy, creates energy.

 

[Zurkhardo]

Welcome Katie, and thank you for your interesting introduction! It was rather inspiring and we're here for you every step.

Never doubt the need to get through your issues and seek help. As trivial or relatively more managable as they may seem, they're still affecting you and need to be dealt with accordingly. You're making a great start and it's very considerate of you to make those concerns.

You'll do great here. We look forward to your company!