This isn't going to be any different to any other post at all...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Retconaddict, Feb 23, 2011.

  1. Retconaddict

    Retconaddict New Member

    Ok... I just joined, because I'm feeling not so good.
    It sortof feels like everything bad that's happening to me has suddenly caught up with me and is hitting me at once. Which probably sounds stupid.

    I don't know if I should really say what's happened to me because it's probably not that bad and I'll just sound like I'm overreacting... but I guess I need to let it out.

    Ok... I started feeling depressed about 2 years ago. It wasn't really that bad, but the reason was obvious. I'd been in love with someone for two years leading up to my mood change. She was really the only person I'd ever felt connected to, and she told me she loved me. So we ended up having sex (which she initiated) and everything was really fine. Then suddenly she told me she lied about loving me. I really don't know why. Then she told all my friends that I raped her. I lost quite a few of my friends for that... but I didn't rape her and I don't understand why she'd say something like that. It hurt me so much, and I became quite untrusting of people.

    About 2 weeks after she told everyone I stayed over at a friends house (he knew I wouldn't ever rape someone) with someone else, and late at night after my friend had fallen asleep this other guy brought out a bottle of vodka. I'd never been drunk before so I wanted to try it. I got incredibly drunk and so we went on a walk outside. When we were about a mile away from the house he jokingly said "wouldn't it be funny if you gave me a blowjob, cos we're both so drunk?" I laughed at that, because I thought he was joking. He then pushed me into an alleyway and blocked off the entrance to it, and pulled down his pants, demanding that I performed oral sex on him. I said no, because I didn't want to do it, but he wouldn't let me leave. This guy was about twice to size of me and I tried to fight back but I really wasn't strong enough. So I did what he asked and he started insulting me, calling me gay and stuff. I ran away from him at this point and ran 2 miles back to my house. I don't know what the hell was up with that.

    The only other person to not believe that girl (my current best friend) saw that things were affecting me so she talked to me all the time to make sure I was feeling ok. We quickly became best friends, and we'd help each other with our problems, which was nice. I started developing feelings for her but I didn't know if she felt the same way, but I was too scared to say anything in case it ended badly, and I didn't want to lose our friendship. So really we only got closer, and she helped me start trusting people again. Just before last Christmas she stayed over at my house where she told me she loved me. I told her the same and we spent the night in bed together just cuddling. The next morning she told me she didn't mean it, and she was lying to make me feel better - but I'd stopped feeling bad all the time by that point, and I didn't need to feel better. Then she told me she had a boyfriend. I was quite crushed by all that because I felt I could trust her more than anyone. Now she refuses to talk about it but it makes me so angry to think someone I trust so much could do that to me, knowing full well that it's happened to me before and how much it affected me...

    So... I guess I just wanted to let that out. Thanks.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know that I read your post, and I'm sorry people have hurt you so much, both physically and emotionally. I really hope you stay here so you can gain some support.
  3. Retconaddict

    Retconaddict New Member

    Thank you. I know it's not really bad and I've been told I'm overreacting to it, but I felt like I needed to vent.