Is killing me. I thought I'd go to an NA meeting tonight, but it was too far. I stayed in and isolated some more. Was able to talk to a friend of mine today.
Anyway, for those of you who may be familiar with my situation, I passed a number of classes in my career training school. I've had the most productive term yet. But still, when I contact medical transcription jobs, they slam the door in my face - need 3 years experience, need more knowledge and so on. I genuinely feel that trying and struggling is for morons.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wind up in a mental ward, or worse, a prison. I can see myself violently acting out against an employer who forces my nose in the shit I was trying to escape from years ago. Bullshit office politics, et cetera. The older I get, the more people scare me.
The only benefits to getting old is realizing you have less things to worry about. I don't feel the urge to please anyone except myself and a few close friends. I will not bend over backwards and lick out some assholes for the purpose of a salary increase. I can feel myself slowly slipping away from society, but that makes me calmer. I have no family at all. It's easier for the ones who have vanished and harder for the ones left behind.
Anyway, for those of you who may be familiar with my situation, I passed a number of classes in my career training school. I've had the most productive term yet. But still, when I contact medical transcription jobs, they slam the door in my face - need 3 years experience, need more knowledge and so on. I genuinely feel that trying and struggling is for morons.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wind up in a mental ward, or worse, a prison. I can see myself violently acting out against an employer who forces my nose in the shit I was trying to escape from years ago. Bullshit office politics, et cetera. The older I get, the more people scare me.
The only benefits to getting old is realizing you have less things to worry about. I don't feel the urge to please anyone except myself and a few close friends. I will not bend over backwards and lick out some assholes for the purpose of a salary increase. I can feel myself slowly slipping away from society, but that makes me calmer. I have no family at all. It's easier for the ones who have vanished and harder for the ones left behind.