Is killing me. I thought I'd go to an NA meeting tonight, but it was too far. I stayed in and isolated some more. Was able to talk to a friend of mine today. Anyway, for those of you who may be familiar with my situation, I passed a number of classes in my career training school. I've had the most productive term yet. But still, when I contact medical transcription jobs, they slam the door in my face - need 3 years experience, need more knowledge and so on. I genuinely feel that trying and struggling is for morons. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wind up in a mental ward, or worse, a prison. I can see myself violently acting out against an employer who forces my nose in the shit I was trying to escape from years ago. Bullshit office politics, et cetera. The older I get, the more people scare me. The only benefits to getting old is realizing you have less things to worry about. I don't feel the urge to please anyone except myself and a few close friends. I will not bend over backwards and lick out some assholes for the purpose of a salary increase. I can feel myself slowly slipping away from society, but that makes me calmer. I have no family at all. It's easier for the ones who have vanished and harder for the ones left behind.