...but I won't post the link here, I think it would be misunderstood by most people. But I was ready to go, after so long thinking that I was doing OK, I went from 'OK' to five minutes away in just one day, escalating self harm and all. Fortunately, I got to looking around here one last time, when I thought I would find a more 'pro' site to have a look at. Don't know why, was more a case of 'why not'? And then I found this piece of gold. It is a spoof of a 'pro' article on suicide, which reads convincingly like a 'how to' guide, at first, including a consideration of various methods, and how awful they are (which is why I am not posting the link here, sorry). One significant part that really got my attention is this; The 50% Rule This is a good standard to follow. The average person lives to be about 75 years old. So if you're less than 38 and have more than half of your life left, the odds are that, for instance, the funniest joke you'll ever hear in your life is one you haven't heard yet. It's just statistics. Odds are you also haven't yet... ...met the girl you'll love the most; ...met your best friend; ...heard your favorite album; ...started the best job you'll ever have; ...read the best book; ...seen the best movie or played the coolest video game; ...found the hobby you're most interested in; ...had the best sex; ...had the most original, mind-blowing idea; ...met the dumbest person you'll ever meet; ...or seen the stupidest haircut. You can make your own list. Look around your room, look around your life. If you're less than 38, the sheer odds are that the future holds a more awesome version of everything you see. You've got to weigh all of that shit. You're not really even conscious of your life until age 7 or 8, so to decide it's all bullshit after just ten or fifteen more years is like judging a movie by its poster. Again, sorry about not posting the link, I know this is a sort of plagiarism, but I thought it was really good, and I really don't want to risk anyone, because the page I got it from does go into methods, etc. (Although it does so in a deliberately off-putting way, still, someone who is hurting already might be negatively affected.) And the style is not for everyone, it is certainly not like that 'five minute' type guff that just brings me closer every time I see it! Anyway, it got me thinking about all the things that have happened since my first attempt so long ago, and even just in the few years since my last attempt. And it hit me that yeah, I can't see what's going to happen. My realistic self tells me that I'll handle it all poorly anyway, by seeing it all through the garbage tinted glasses of my baggage. But still, at least there is some cool, unpredictable stuff to come. At least it gets me another day.