I feel fake, empty and dead. Everyone isnt real. We are all driffting on to the same conclusion of death. There is no stopping it in the end. We can speed it up or try and prevent it. I chose the first option. I have had enough of being constantly in the wrong, saying the wriong things, being messed about by others. Of caring for people and having it thrown in my face. I never asked for this life. It is an unwanted gift that i wish to return. This yr will be my last i am certain. I will earn money. Travel if i can. See as many things as i can. Then diappear and count down the new yr and see if i can get to 1 before the drugs envolope me. I cant be here anymore. I dont want to carry on knowing that i will hurt others,that i cant help anyone i have ever tried to help. There will be no peace for me. So i will return this gift of sorrow and shame. I will contiune my constant vists here until that time. I love you all. I bleed. I cry. I live only to die. My constant thoughts are for u alone. I care for you. I love you. Be at peace, for i will try and watch over you when i am gone.