I don't know what it is. I recently lost my gf. was only 2and half years but she was more special than I realized at the time. Its all been said on here before. All the feelings. I'm 26, back living with mum who is depressed and cannot handle me like this. The anxiety the depression the dark dark darkness. been fighting too long. Can't do it over xmas. would ruin it for everyone for years to come.