This little dove is going....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Aug 6, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    This little white dove is going...

    This little white dove is going to where there is no more pain , no more hurting, no more sorrow , no more tears...

    This little dove cant take it anymore..

    This little dove was dumb... dumb to believe in making peace... this little dove has given up on any peace..

    This little dove cant be totally free in her spirit.. it is troubled and cant see the peace that it so needs to rest easily...

    This little dove has tried , but she knows she cant make anyone love her.. She knows she can never truly be loved..

    This little dove , has an emotional pain from a troubled spirit that will never go away.. it cant be fixed and the pain cant ever go away because of the Daltons refusal to help ease her troubled mind and spirit... This little dove has begged and begged them, has written talk show hosts that have never replied , has written letters that have come back returned / refused. This little dove has called only to hear on the phone * caller is not accepting calls at this time * indicating to this little dove that her number has been blocked...

    This little dove understands the pain and feels it deeply in her heart , yet it cant go away and her spirit cant rest...

    This little dove has a physical pain of a cancer that is eating away her body and that she has no control over nor can stop... This little dove knows to stay and fight would bring only more pain and she knows what it does to people.. this little dove has seen it with her own two eyes what cancer did to her mom and will soon do to her.. The physical pain is unending and getting stronger by each day and this little dove knows shes not that strong and cant hold on when theres nothing to hold on to...

    This little dove is alone , she knows she has no one who cares.. she knows no one loves her and she knows she cant hold on and fight without anyone there to help her.. she also knows it is a battle that even she cant win... She knows that she is alone and that she will die alone , in a bed without anyone by her side if she stays to fight..

    This little dove knows she has no choice now... she knows shes alone.. she knows shes unloved.. This little dove has a big heart.. She loves with it so strongly and she has tried so long to make peace as it is what is required , yet she knows time has run out and the peace she needs and tries to help get before her time will never be..

    This little dove has a heart that bleeds deeply.. this little dove has been called many names online at other boards and each time a name was said or an icon was placed to others as fun was to this little dove a dagger to her big heart that so desperatly needed love.. This little dove was torn apart inside when she heard the news of cancer , she was torn so much that her little heart was bearly beating , the fear , the loneleness , and the anger was directed at God first , then at others , then finally the anger had died down and the fear of death set in...

    This little dove is young and did not want this cancer yet she knows she has to accept what God has given her... So this little dove goes online to make things right and to make peace with an open and honest heart this little dove pours her heart and soul out online but only she is rejected and called a whore.. a whore of attention... This name calling by the icon was so intense that it got all her fears , anger up and she thought of ending it all.

    This little dove has not got much more left of her heart.. where it once was big , loving , kind , caring , and strong heart at one time , has now got a tattered and torn heart that bleeds uncontrollably , she is now weak and frail from the cancer.. this little dove is hurting deeply in her soul from an emotional pain that she has tried to ease but can not because of others who are wiilling to keep her in this bondage.. to keep her in the emotional pain... This little dove is weak from the cancer that is raveging her body and though she tries with all her might to stay strong and to go on she knows deep down in her heart she cant...

    This little dove is going away..

    Away to peace , that she needs , away to a place of love where she knows she will be held in the one and only one who is strong enough to carry her.. the only one who has never left her..
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2007
  2. honsou

    honsou Well-Known Member

    oh god this made me cry, please don't go, just reading that shows everyone how beautiful your mind and spirit is. Keep fighting if its only for one more day, keep on going, prove every one wrong, just one more day.
  3. livingdeath

    livingdeath Active Member

    White Dove -- Whoever called you bad names online is an idiot (and worse) and I would disregard anything they said. You are very brave and my heart aches for you. The type of rejection you have felt from the Daltons ... I have felt, am am feeling, that kind of rejection from someone I love. I have had my emails and calls blocked. I know how it feels. Bless you, my friend.
  4. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    i know i dont know you or what you are going through, but i just want to say, what you wrote here brings a tear to my eye, a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart, you are very brave, i wish i could be as brave as you :blub:
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I love you all..

    Please remember that i loved you all and cared???

  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Whit Dove that was a heartfelt message please stay with us we would all miss u terribly hun:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
  7. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    We fight with you and we care. Even if we are not at your side by the bed we are there. We will always remember you Dove. We care.

  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well i am seen as nothing but a pathic little 5 year old.. so im gone.. i am truly and honestly really gone this time..

    expressive child will let you know of my death , he has the links to my local obit...

    i wanted a reason to stay and fight.. i needed a reason to stay and fight yet i now know i am nothing.. i am pathic. i am useless . i am nothing. so give all the thanks to soa when you learn of my death...

    Hey soa said i was pathic, and like a 5 year old so im am truly gone this time...

    Dear White Dove,

    You have received a new private message at Suicide Forum - A support forum for people in crisis from soa, entitled "-".

    To read the original version, respond to, or delete this message, you must log in here:

    This is the message that was sent:
    I’m wasting my time typing this to let you know how annoying, pathetic you are.
    And sure right now you are probably already offended thinking how bad I am for writing this or any other people that said the same to you, but the truth is it is you, not other people.
    I read this forum daily and you know what makes me sick? - seeing your posts, they physically make me sick and so irritated that I become very angry. I used to read, in some way, not all of them cause its always same and same and long text you post in your every single post. Reading them makes me sick and want to help you get out of this world cause you are just plain annoying.
    You are 35, but act like 5. So what, you have a cancer, but its no reason to act so pathetic, like you are the poorest person cause everybody hates you. Go and do something, talk to people you want to talk to you, make friends, talk to your family if you want them to do the same to you so bad, stop acting like all the world is against you. And sure you can act like that, but stop complaining every single day, in every single section of this forum how poor you are. Go do something good for a chance. Help animals, poor people, sick kids just by playing with them, instead of wasting all your time on the internet complaining. And sure you would say you physically can’t do these things, but when I am physically sore I can’t even get up to the computer, or don’t feel like it, so if you can do it, you can do other things.
    Sure I believe your life is hard, so is mine, and many other peoples. I personally don’t feel any sorry for the dead people because they don’t feel any pain and stress anymore. So If you suffer that much I would advice suicide. And it is not being rude from my side.
    You only complain, complain, writing same big posts every day, complaining how other people don’t come to you instead of doing something YOURSELF. And I don’t believe that you have tried to seriously commit suicide like you say you failed so people would reply with something nice thinking you were about to die, you are just attracting attention as usual, if you did try seriously you would not be posting every single day. Besides when people survive real serious attempts they don’t come back on the internet 5 minutes later saying they failed, they are in hospitals getting better. If you wanted to truly kill yourself you would jump from a high building and it would be over.
    Did you understand my point? Stop posting your posts complaining and saying tomorrow, tomorrow, next week, last chance, did you notice your last posts people don’t even read anymore or reply to, cause they know its same shit, different day. Oh, and I know you will probably post my message in one of your posts complaining how poor you are getting these messages. Go ahead, I know 99% of people will agree with me. They won’t show it though. And those who seem to tell you nice things don’t really mean it either, cause they are on the forum to say same nice things to anyone.
    My advice, grow up and go do something useful, at least by helping other members on the forum by being positive instead of making them sick with your posts, before you do die.
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    A lot of people are pulling for you, why would you take that one negative message over all of that?
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    because that is the way everyone sees me as..

    that is what i have been told all my life..

    so i guess it is true..

    i guess i am stupid , i am pathic. i am nothing.. oh wait i guess ill get accused of wanting attention if i even say that, doesnt matter it is here on the support forum i guess , still will be called stupid..

    i needed a push.. i really did..

    well now i got it..

    im serious , i am dead serious .

    i am gone..

    expressive_child will let you know of my death , he has the links and i fully trust him...

    sorry but im gone.. everyone sees me as that.. they always have... they dont see my paion, they dont feel it... i am gone..

    i have had it with this stupid life of mine... i am gone and when i mean and say i am gone

    i sware you will hear of my death in a few days...

    it has nothing to do with me not having the guts cause i got the guts.. i got the stuff i need , and i was looking for a reason to stay..

    i am so sick of myself.. i cant help others here , all i do is make others sick so my life is going..
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2007
  11. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think you're wrong because I like you quite a bit. I don't doubt your courage, I just don't want to see you go. Doesn't that count for anything?
  12. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I love you..Don't go. I'm hurting extremely bad inside..You don't know how much I"m hurtin..But, I wont give in..Please..what one more tear..If you go..its gonna push me to do the same thing..please stick it out..please..??
  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    yes it does mean something to me..

    and im sorry..

    i dont want anyone to hurt anymore..

    i wont hurt anyone anymore..

    im sorry..
  14. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i love you too..

    im sorry..

    i wont hurt you anymore..
  15. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    You are not the one causing th epain, the pain comes from unrequited love..but it would hurt me deeper to see you go..i love people like you and can please...don't go..I hope thats what you meant..
  16. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I will hurt no one no more

    take care everyone and may God be with you all and may he help you all find the peace that you need and the love and comfort...

    He didnt love me enough but he can you..

    my life is over anyhow.. cant win..

    i give up..

  17. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Well, what can I say, I read my bible, thought I believed in God, but now, im thinking differently, I hope you find the peace that God provided..I can't handle any of this just not worth living to me..this suffering is not worth waiting is the same thing as being in hell..:mad:
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