This Little Dove...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Aug 26, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    This little dove .. has had one heartache upon heartache.. it seems everytime i tend to care deeply about someone they either leave on their own or pass away.. This hurts this little dove more and adds more pain upon pain to this little doves heart...

    This little dove is a true live person with true feelings and true emotions that overcome herself and the pain at times is too intense yet she tries to hold on knowing that she soon will not be strong enough to go on..

    This little doves feelings are hurt by her own brother and by a man of God and his wife who have chosen to keep her in this pain.. She has tried so many times to make peace cause that is what is required by God yet others are refusing her efforts and keeping her in bvondage and she knows now that to get away from this bondage that she will have to end it herself..

    This little dove knows also that with the many times she has attempted the many other times something has gotten in the way to stop that very act but she also knows that this time she knows without a doubt it will truly be the last time and she will succeed in it...

    This little dove has a pain that goes beyond what anyone can feel or understand.. She is batteling two pains at once and cant fight anymore.. She has given all she can give and her strength is now gone...

    This little dove knows that with the help of the pain meds her cancer pain has eased quit a bit but her heart and enmotional pain is getting stronger every day she stays here upon this life and this world..

    This little dove knows others think shes joking or not realing going to do anything and just wants attention but this little dove knows that their thinking will turn into tears when they learn of her true death...

    This little dove has tried to make peace.. sent letters , wrote others , placed pleas online , and finally gave it all up to God but even giving it up to God does not ease her troubled mind or spirit.. She knows what she writes here is truth and she knows it will probably be the last anyone ever hears from her again so she makes her final and only plea left to those who have kept her in bodage..

    This little dove asks gently will you ease my mind??? Will you help put my spirit at ease??? Only you can do that cause only you know the truth and only you can help her ease this troubled mind and spirit so she can fly away home in pease...

    So Mr. Dalton , are you going to help ease her troubled mind and spirit?? Do you even care she is bothered by this?? Do you even care she is hurting?? She cant do it by herself.. She needs you to help ease her mind.. Do you not care shes hurting?? How much longer do you want to keep her in this bondage , cause thats what it is is a torment.. She wabnts and needs peace cause it is what is required before her spirit can leave.. Its not a joke that she is hurting... Only you can help her... Will you help her..? Will you Please help ease her mind so she can die in peace?

    For this little dove.. her time is near.. very near.. She is hurt.. She is trouled.. her spirit cant rest.. She has given it up to God and this is her final one and only plea left... She knows her time is near... She needs that peace to go on into eternity but as long as shes stuck here in this troubled mind and body she will be forever tormented and the pain will only increase...

    this little dove is going to be going soon.. all will be left is her memory.. She knows that what she speaks comes from her heart.. she knows that those who did not think she was capable to do such act will soon realise that she had no choice it was either stay in the bondage and continue to hurt or make peace... and so as the making peace has eluted from her she will go in her own way to escape the pain...
  2. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I hope you're not getting sick of me, but I really do care for you, try loving me, and I will not pass wawy or leave!

    Love, Shalena:biggrin:
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    It gets wearying when people tend to post five times a day in five different threads, everyday that they are going to do it and then come back the next day and repeat the same actions. I am however not judging your ability to do what you say you want to do, I am judging on whether or not you mean this, or if you are reaching out for help. If you are reaching out for help, people have tried to help and it just seems endless, like the help is either not taken into consideration or you just don't really want to hear it, I'm not sure which anymore. The whole cry wolf theory comes into play for me, you know? The little boy that cried wolf and when the wolf came no one helped..because they didn't believe him. It weighs on my heart alot when people come here and continuously post they'll do it, and then come back the next day and say it again...just like the cry wolf theory.

    If you are serious, which I do not know, I do hope you get the help you deserve, I do hope you find peace and not in the eternal peace kind of way.
    Take care.
  4. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    this lil me wants my sonsdad back so he has 1
    this lil me wants money to give my son all he deserves
    this lil me lives in real world and trys to make my son escept that
    this lil me says ********* ********* ****
  5. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Yes i am not the only one got annoyed than !i am always right !...if i was to post my feelings everyday wow i would write a novel!.....And also i am curious of if wether this person is telling the trueth or not!...If i said one time that i will do it or i will do this i will do that I WOULD DO THAT THING...Hope ur telling the trueth and hope u get better!
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no i am not sick of you okay sweetie??

    i tried to pm you but you cant get any right now.. i can email you though i think???
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i dont blame you for thinking that way.. that is your opinion of it " this boy that cried wolf thing "

    Now as to why i post ( not every day about it at least i dont think it is everyday ?? ) it is because i think about it constantly and i dont care rather others believe it or not cause they didnt believe me the last time ( about 2 or 3 years ago ) when i said i would do it and did it..

    I will do it , it is just finding the right time and place , the right oppertunity to do it.. I have tried to do it and everty single time something always comes up to detor it from happening and i dont espect others to believe that or not but it is the truth.. some higher force ( and this is what i believe fully ) is putting in road blocks to stop me... i dont know if anyone can believe that or not but that has to be rather or not how much faith you believe in it or in God... And i think i know why God is interfering is because he is given me more time to make peace with the Daltons and whoever else i may have hurt or need to come too before i actually go and maybe he is doing it to try and tell me not to do it...

    I used to be strong but i am not that strong anymore.. i have managed to get my cancer pain controled by some pretty dang powerful meds but the only bad thing about that is i am all doped up on it that i hardly know what i am doing and lordy if i was ever to get pulled over by a cop i would probably go to jail for a dui meaning dui under pain meds...

    my intentions are real and true and perhaps from the looks of it from you and whoever else maybe i should just keep quiet and not post my thoughts and feelings of attemping my life and just keep it to myself... in a way it helps me to post these feelings but if it offends you and others then i will stop and keep it to myself..

    im sorry.. im sorry that posting my feelings would hurt.. see i told you i cant do nothing right.. i cant post here , i cant do nothing right , everything i say or do is totally wrong, but thats okay cause im not afraid anymore and come this weekend it will all be over anyway...

    dont worry i wont post anymore...
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Susan :hug:

    If you KNOW that God is trying to stop you, then by all means, LISTEN to him! TRY to help yourself and call the med center and get down here and get some help! Why do you think he is doing this? Maybe because he wants you to have peace before you go, maybe because you can be helped (if you act NOW) and maybe because he wants you to go out on HIS terms, not yours. Either way, he has been kind enough to give you personal intervention and you cannot ignore that.
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well peanut i know im going to get slammed for responding back to you after i posted and said i would not post but anyway....

    i have some pretty dang good pain meds now.. you know i even talked with the minister A.W. a little today and he acts as if i am not serious in things oh well all the more better...

    I have someone checking in on the cancer center and all for me already.. that is being taken care of...

    its me peanut... i dont want to live anymore.. i honestly dont... i have nothing to live for.. all i ever have cared about is gone..

    however , if i live through this weekend ( which it will take a miracle or more to live through it ) but if i live through it.. i will right here and right now make a promise to you and everyone here that if i live through this weekend i will never attempt my life ever again..

    When i make a promise i will stick with it , so I PROMISE that if i live through this labor day weekend I WILL NOT EVER ATTEMPT again..

    okay i am going to hush now before someone gets angry me even posting this..
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: I am so glad to hear that Susan. So very glad. I know you are hurting, and I know you have a broken little heart, but God has a plan for you and he wants you to live and in his infinite wisdom, there is a very good reason for this. I want you to be safe, I care about you, and when you come here I will visit you and comfort you and be your friend.
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    that is if i live through this labor day weekend..

    If God doesnt want to take me then i will still be here if not ????

    I do need to tell you though theres a good chance that this weekend is my last and it would not be fair to you to tell you otherwise...

    i just want you and others on here to be prepared..

    This is my choice and neither you nor anyone else here has brought me to do this , several on the outside have but not online here okay? so dont be blamming yourself if i succeed okay?
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Susan, I cannot stop you from doing what you intend to do. But know that God himself has stopped you thus far and although he clearly does NOT want you to harm yourself, he will not necessarily stop you this time from making the worst mistake of your life. Please do not attempt this weekend. God gives us signs, but he will not stop our free will, hun. :hug:
  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well sorry..

    dont worry about it cause i am not posting it anymore.. it will just happen.. the only way to prove it is to juast do it and get it over with , but dont worry about it cause this weekend it is done

    as for telling the truth i always have told the truth here.. it is after all a support forum where one can tell the truth and not get hurt by it..

    I cant help it if God has inrterviewed in it every dang time.. i didnt want him too and i still dont want him too
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2007
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