This Makes No Sense!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by just_me_again, May 29, 2015.

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  1. just_me_again

    just_me_again Active Member

    Everything is going right. I'm going to be graduating soon, going to college (albeit, at my second choice), I get to see my sisters and brother, who I haven't seen since Christmas, and my dad, who I last saw last June when I left him and Mom for better pastures. I am now surrounded by people who love me, who want the best for me and comfortable circumstances but I still feel miserable.
    As my graduation approaches, all I feel is dread. For some reason, even as I'm laughing, I feel like dying. Dying sounds nice right now. Then I wouldn't have to disappoint the people who only want me to be happy, when I can't even do that.
    I don't get it. Everything's good, but I want it to go away. I have my meds, my psychiatrist, my therapy...but I still want it all to go away. I want to go away.
    It makes no sense.
     
  2. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Depression often doesn't make sense. Sounds like you need to try different meds, might take a while to find something that works.

    (I'm assuming it's depression since you didn't give any details. But another thing to consider if the meds aren't working is that you could have been misdiagnosed.)
     
  3. just_me_again

    just_me_again Active Member

    Apparently I'm bipolar with a bit of social anxiety thrown in. I bounce from way up high where I do and say ridiculously stupid and crazy things to wanting to kill myself in a very short period of time. I don't know what I want to do, even within the immediate year. I'm just doing what everyone else says I should (like college) because I don't want to do anything. I'm super stressed out because my family wants a party, and they keep asking me what color of balloons I want when I don't want a party at all. Everyone's flying in, everyone's looking at me, everyone's waiting for the next step. They're all more excited than I am. I just want to feel better and every time I bring something up, it sounds like I'm just stressed out and panicking about them or finals when they've refused to listen to me. I can't imagine how I'm supposed to live and keep living and living and living. I feel nothing and everything at the same time.
     
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