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This may or may not be my suicide note.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Sabianwolf, Apr 29, 2013.

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  1. Sabianwolf

    Sabianwolf Member

    I have gotten a new job, it pays well, it is just the most mind numming 9-5 bullcrap kind of job you could possibly imagine, I sit behind a pc copy and pasting all day, this is very depressing I know, and people tell me find fun in it, but there is no fun, the people are nice enough but are not on the same level of humour or fun that I am at.
    I see myself fall deeper and deeper into a dark hole, I live in a house now with my girlfriend and housemate, a little backstory is in order here, my girlfriend thinks shes great and is convinced that she knows best, my housemate is not much better, they treat me like a child, why not break up you ask, well its not so easy when they live with you.
    I havent been at work for 2 weeks, and a day, I have fallen and nobody is able to help me back up. I have started thinking of the best ways to end it all and be free from this "life", "people tell me get on with it, its life" well if this is life, I am not so sure I even want to live it anymore.
    I know this seems like a suicide note and depending on whats gonna happen
    you see my housemate and girlfriend are gone out together for drinks, leaving me on my own, how could they possibly think that was a good idea. and when they get back they are going to "talk" to me like "adults do" as said by my girlfriend. my housemate and girlfriend are sick of my behaviour thats what they say, well their behaviour isn't much better in my eyes, treating me like a child, it is incredibly degrading which doesn't help.
    I am a breaking point, nowhere to run nowhere to hide.
    I had an interview last week for a game tester job, this excites me as this might be the thing that will save me if i get it, no call today but maybe tomorrow right?
    my housemate has apparently offered his bed to my girlfriend and he would sleep on the couch even though im sure that if she does sleep there and they drink a bit they will cheat on me, my trust in people has left me and now I am completely vulnerable, especially to myself.
    the only thing i find joy in at this time is watching series like game of thrones, arrow and vikings, sometimes even glee!, I enter this world of my on when I watch, where im in the series and im free from todays society. free to not think, free to be whomever i wish to be.
    suicide is a strange concept, you see if you dont believe in god or reincarnation death seems very scary, just blackness and you cant do anything. then comes the better part, no more thinking no more walking no more anything, to say it francly I would be..... truly free.
    I am now at a point where I believe that if I do end it the only people who would miss me would be my mom, dad and sister, I think the only thing my girlfriend and housemate would miss is my monthly contribution to the rent and bills and if I was gone they would get together within a week.
    seems sad and dreary doesnt it?
    I punched the walls today, that felt really good and I also have some cuts on my arm, it just centralises the pain instead of it buzzing around my brain.
    well when you've reached this point there might be no more turning back.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2013
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'll have a go at offering something. Might not be what you want to hear, but at least I'm trying.

    You have a job that pays well? Use that to find either a place of your own or rent a room somewhere else. This will enable you to have the chance of a potential break up from the girlfriend that treats you like a child, prefers to go out with your housemate for drinks instead of spending time with her bf, and they 'gang up on you' to make you feel unwanted and unloved. Is it really worth living with two people who seem more suited for each other than the fractious relationship you have with your girlfriend?

    There are people here who have lost family to suicide. It might be an idea to stick around on here to see what others suggest as far as help and for living your life, not allowing others (such as the gf/housemate and their actions) dictate how you live.
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Break up with her now and on your terms. They are clearly having an "emotional affair" which is only half a step removed from a physical one. They treat you like a retard which again shows a complete disregard for your emotional/psychological state, get these mf's out of your life asap. As for work, keep going but try going to various evening classes. Try tennis lessons, rock climbing, essay writing etc anything and everything. Read up on psychology and depression to help you know what the "experts" all claim to know. Good luck.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The environment you are living in is so poisonous hun get away from them ok. YOu said it they are using you for paying part of the rent You can do better ok walk away you do what is best for YOU now You get a new place find new friends that will respect you hugs
  5. Sabianwolf

    Sabianwolf Member

    Thanks guys for the great feedback, we had our little sit down and talk and well apparently they have been worried sick and spending all their energy trying to find a way to get me to go to work again and to get my life sorted.
    so maybe just maybe they are not as poisonous as they seem. they say the want to help me, so hopefully they will.
  6. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Why are they "talking" behind your back? If your ok with that then great, good luck and all the best, but at least question what the collusion means to the futute of your relationship. One more thing they don't sound like they have the first idea about what your going through and what you need in terms of support, so becareful taking their "advice" on board, it could well do more harm then good. Good luck.
  7. fatloser

    fatloser Banned Member

    Maybe you should be happy that you have a job that pays well, because a lot of people are struggling to find that these days. If your gf is a bitch, break up with her, there are plenty of other women in the world who won't treat you like shit. One of my biggest regrets in my own life is not appreciating the little things, and always looking at the negative rather then the positive. I have recently been laid off from work, going through a divorce with my wife and gotten into some legal trouble and now on probation, and would give anything to get what I used to have, which was just 8 months ago, yet seems like light years ago. And my problem? I never appreciated it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think it will help you in the longrun.
  8. Sabianwolf

    Sabianwolf Member

    Hey guys, would just like to thank you all for the replies and help.
    I have done it, I have flipped the "switch" in my head after the talk with my girlfriend and housemate, everything feels a whole lot better now, i started with cleaning the house, it sounds very simple but it really gives you a sense of accomplishment which you crave for while in a bad place, I resigned from that horrible job and found a new one and am starting teusday! everything went really quickly and me and my housemate are on really good terms again, Me and the girlfriend are basically over now but im gonna give her as much time as she needs to find a new place, I dont just want to throw her out, she might have been a bad match for me and everything but shes a nice girl and I dont want want to end it by throwing her out, I have gone out and found lots of new friends and lovely girls ;) and well as I said I got my life back! im heading in the good direction and im not gonna stop even if something bad happens im gonna keep going, I hope some of you might get some good tips from this and I will keep posting to keep you guys updated.
  9. I envy you so bad...

    Other than that I'm really glad to read your story, you're a nice person :) good luck!
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