I have gotten a new job, it pays well, it is just the most mind numming 9-5 bullcrap kind of job you could possibly imagine, I sit behind a pc copy and pasting all day, this is very depressing I know, and people tell me find fun in it, but there is no fun, the people are nice enough but are not on the same level of humour or fun that I am at. I see myself fall deeper and deeper into a dark hole, I live in a house now with my girlfriend and housemate, a little backstory is in order here, my girlfriend thinks shes great and is convinced that she knows best, my housemate is not much better, they treat me like a child, why not break up you ask, well its not so easy when they live with you. I havent been at work for 2 weeks, and a day, I have fallen and nobody is able to help me back up. I have started thinking of the best ways to end it all and be free from this "life", "people tell me get on with it, its life" well if this is life, I am not so sure I even want to live it anymore. I know this seems like a suicide note and depending on whats gonna happen you see my housemate and girlfriend are gone out together for drinks, leaving me on my own, how could they possibly think that was a good idea. and when they get back they are going to "talk" to me like "adults do" as said by my girlfriend. my housemate and girlfriend are sick of my behaviour thats what they say, well their behaviour isn't much better in my eyes, treating me like a child, it is incredibly degrading which doesn't help. I am a breaking point, nowhere to run nowhere to hide. I had an interview last week for a game tester job, this excites me as this might be the thing that will save me if i get it, no call today but maybe tomorrow right? my housemate has apparently offered his bed to my girlfriend and he would sleep on the couch even though im sure that if she does sleep there and they drink a bit they will cheat on me, my trust in people has left me and now I am completely vulnerable, especially to myself. the only thing i find joy in at this time is watching series like game of thrones, arrow and vikings, sometimes even glee!, I enter this world of my on when I watch, where im in the series and im free from todays society. free to not think, free to be whomever i wish to be. suicide is a strange concept, you see if you dont believe in god or reincarnation death seems very scary, just blackness and you cant do anything. then comes the better part, no more thinking no more walking no more anything, to say it francly I would be..... truly free. I am now at a point where I believe that if I do end it the only people who would miss me would be my mom, dad and sister, I think the only thing my girlfriend and housemate would miss is my monthly contribution to the rent and bills and if I was gone they would get together within a week. seems sad and dreary doesnt it? I punched the walls today, that felt really good and I also have some cuts on my arm, it just centralises the pain instead of it buzzing around my brain. well when you've reached this point there might be no more turning back.