This means War

[Sevven]

Wtf do you do when you find out the wife of someone you care about has decided to be the pregnant girl who gets fucked up?? I knew she smoked. I kinda figure if you're the type of person to smoke while pregnant there are deeper issues at play I can't change, so a comment or even confrontation may not help. But now I hear she's drinking and doing pills and the baby is 5.5 months along so surely this didn't just start. This baby has already been hurt. And anyone who has dealt with custody at all knows the power the mother can wield over the father. On that basis my friend is being a scared, useless little pos for his children. Right, there's already an 11 month old the mother always sends to relatives to be babysat even though she doesn't work.
My friend just tries to cover for her and she's ruining all 3 of her "family members." I don't know what to do but I can't just stand here....
Also- I realize this girl likely has depression or some other difficulty, and am factoring that in.

 

[Walker]

Ugh. I don't want to comment on this too much because like you say, there's likely a lot at play here. Not cool though. Not freaking cool. I'd do anything for my kids - and that started with not messing up his brain while he was cooking. Sickening.

 

[may71]

I don't know what to do but I can't just stand here....
Also- I realize this girl likely has depression or some other difficulty, and am factoring that in

I'm sure there's reasons why she is the way she is. She doesn't have a right though to disable her baby or turn it into a drug addict before it's even born.

What can be done may depend on the law in the state she's in. You may want to try to do a search for "child protective services in [state]". I think every state has some kind of child welfare services. It may go under different names, like "division of child and family welfare", etc.

They may be able to send somebody out to do a check on her. I'm not sure if they'd send her to jail or not, but that might be what needs to happen to keep her from harming her child.

If you want to tell me the state you're in, I could try to help look up contact info for child services.

Thank you for not just letting this go Sevven

 

[Sevven]

I'm sure there's reasons why she is the way she is. She doesn't have a right though to disable her baby or turn it into a drug addict before it's even born.

What can be done may depend on the law in the state she's in. You may want to try to do a search for "child protective services in [state]". I think every state has some kind of child welfare services. It may go under different names, like "division of child and family welfare", etc.

They may be able to send somebody out to do a check on her. I'm not sure if they'd send her to jail or not, but that might be what needs to happen to keep her from harming her child.

If you want to tell me the state you're in, I could try to help look up contact info for child services.

Thank you for not just letting this go Sevven

I was considering calling it in... My friend confronted her this morning and we're waiting to hear from him. He needed all of us to speak up together to see the support he had.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Honestly, there is nothing you can do other than be there as a support for your friend. It sucks. Yet he is the only one who can take action (and as you've pointed out - which I've no clue about anything and may be right about) there might be very little he can do. You can only be there to support the choices he makes. You can't change anything. Which sucks to watch.
Sending hugs your way...

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

What a horrible situation. All you can do is call social services which I'm assuming might alienate your friend and may do no good for mother or baby. I don't envy you that decision. Either way, what is happening (and happens in the future) is not your fault. The onus lies with the parents.

If the woman is Caucasian, there is actually some evidence out there that (due to centuries of alcohol use and abuse by people of European ancestry) Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is less prevalent in the babies of women of European heritage who drink during pregnancy. It obviously also depends how often and how much they drank. I'm obviously not saying to tell her any of this this!

If she is from some other ancestry (such as African or Native American), there is a higher rate of FAS and this could perhaps be a caution?

Either way, maybe you could give them some information (I'm sure pamphlets would be out there about this at community clinics and so on) on the disabilities and problems their child could face as a result of her drinking/drugs? Now is a critical time as the fetus's cerebral cortex develops around five to six months of age. All is not lost even if the mother drinks during early pregnancy.

 

[may71]

If she's using illegal drugs (or prescription drugs without a prescription), that itself is obviously illegal, and she may be more likely to be prosecuted for it if she's pregnant.

I actually looked up some info on this. The document I found is old, so I don't know if the info is up-to-date, but women are sometimes prosecuted for child abuse when using drugs or alcohol, but it's rare.
https://www.law.uh.edu/healthlaw/perspectives/Reproductive/980623Pregnant.html