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This morning's update.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Sep 2, 2016.

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  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Six weeks of Prozax. Ran out this morning. Need to pick more up at 9:00. How suicidal and depressed am I? I would say 40% of yesterday I was not suicidal and depressed. Which is better then being canonically depressed 90% of the time.

    What's changed. First 6 weeks of prozac helps. Second, I got them to modify my job at work so I may not be laid off for a while. Third my own software worked on a test set for a large company. Next week we are meeting to go over the results with the company. Hopefully they'll go forward. Fourth, we'er putting together a Business Plan to start a company to sell the product. Both G??? and S???? are willing to look at it.

    All the above are long shots. But it's possible if any of them do, they can secure my retirement.
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    With all this stuff going; I feel like you should be excited at all the different possibilities in front of you. I know your options will require a lot of work and a little bit of work. But anything worthwhile takes work.

    Take Care
  3. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Not that easy. But thank you. It's all very unstable so I have to walk carefully. But your right that it's better to have shot at something, then nothing. So I am trying. Creating an opportunity does not guarantee its success. But it is the first step. I going forward. I would say I am down to 20% suicidal/depression. All very fragile.
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. Sudiegirl

    Sudiegirl New Member

    WannaEndit01: I'm sorry you're feeling down and am glad you are taking the med and in there still trying. Keep those things up and your 40% will increase. Please step back and look at the person you described: Persuasive and courageous, to get people at work to modify your job. Creative, inventive, and technically savvy - you invented your own software, and IT WORKED! Smart, assertive, not impatient nor impulsive -- you understand how business works - next step is to sit down and review results with the company. Entrepreneurial, optimistic, confident, creative yet also able to be clear, and powerful - you're putting together a business plan and already have people committed to look at it.

    This is what I hear and see in what you have told me about yourself so far, in just a few words. We've never met but I like you and admire you a lot already! I would bet that these qualities constitute your True Self - who you truly are, the qualities you were born with and that drive you and always keep popping up no matter what you're doing. You're a leader.

    Depression and suicidal thoughts are not natural conditions. We are not born that way. We sometimes become that way in periods of our life for various reasons which include a chemical imbalance that might be brought on by trauma, stress, abuse, or other things. This is good conversation for your doctor. As you're seeing, it's treatable. Sometimes it can take a while for things to turn around or to find the right combination of things to begin to heal, but there are many approaches to treating depression. It's an illness that can sometimes cause down feelings and thoughts of suicide. That's part of the disease, part of the illness. They are not you. They may be in your life right now, and that really sucks, but they are not you. You are at minimum that person I described above. The world needs you and your exact skills, to make us stronger economically, provide jobs, create a positive future.

    Please remember this whenever your illness zaps you with some extra-hard days. Tell your doctor; ask if there's more than can be done to fight it. And keep your focus on all the good things that are you - maybe temporarily affected by an illness - but filled with great qualities that will always be with you if you honor them and nurture them - and that can help you put illness in perspective.
    moxman likes this.
  5. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind words.
  6. ToBeAtPeace

    ToBeAtPeace Well-Known Member

    I'm doing programming at the moment too. Unfortunately, I lost my last role through this illness, particularly the anxiety which took away my ability to concentrate. The concentration comes back every now and again though. I'm working on a project right now, doing it only when I feel well enough to do so. What aspect of programming do you do? I'm mainlt front end web, Angular, that kind of thing, but also do PHP and WordPress when necessary. No problem if you don't feel able to share.
  7. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    I do several types. Last application I wrote was a HTML5/Flash gateway used for Flash games to interface with HTML5 Consoles. My image analysis work is all done in c/c++ in the backend, and the client display work is done in HTML5. Concentrating can be very hard when suicidal/depressed if not impossible.
    DrownedFishOnFire and moxman like this.
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