This must be it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Sep 13, 2015.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    All I can think about is saving up enough money to buy something that would help me end my life. A friend told me that I shouldn't do it, it would hurt people, and there is always a chance it would fail. If I fail, I may well end up braindead. If I succeed, then I will be dead. So either way, I would have no thoughts, no feelings, no more pain. I am told there is nothing wrong with being kind, but there is if it always ends up hurting me. People really like me at first, then they end up disliking me or feeling indifferent about me. This always happens, so no one can say it's not my fault. I didn't have the choice whether or not to be born, but I can choose my death. I can't live the rest of my life alone. I don't want to see if things will change, because they never do. They just get worse. I pray to a god who doesn't listen and just hope it won't always be this bad, but it is always in vain.

    No matter what, I always end up alone. People think I am putting on a facade, and maybe I am. It is better to pretend to be happy than to be a miserable sod. I can guarantee that no one would want to be my friend if they knew I was really like that. When I let down my defenses, when I feel it is ok to be myself, people get sick of dealing with me. They don't want to deal with my crying, they don't want to hear me bitch about my life. They think I'm not strong enough, maybe I'm not, though I think dealing with three decades of whatever shit life has thrown at me is more than enough. I am hopeless and don't know what to do anymore. If all I am is a burden, maybe the best solution is not being here at all anymore.
  2. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way
  3. clarkdg7

    clarkdg7 New Member

    I have spontaneously cried while driving at lest 12 times in the last 5 months. I like to think that i'm not pathetic, but I still think I might be?
    I dont quite know how this works - if your're still awake I hope to hear back
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    It's ok to cry, that doesn't make you pathetic. Better than keeping it all inside, anyway. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I am here to listen if you need to talk.
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