this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the ........

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by tinamck01, Apr 13, 2008.

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  1. tinamck01

    tinamck01 Guest

    i am 21 i live at home, i have two other sisters older and younger, throughout my childhood i have always got the blame for everything, anything everything that went wrong was blamed on me by my sisters and my parents..even if it wasnt my fault it would get twisted around so it is.. we all used to get hit when we were young with a horse whip a stick a shoe a hand anything they could get hold of even a pan but i always got it worse , i dont remember what i actually did to deserve this but it happened and its always stayed with me... i get called all the names under the sun about how fat i am by my sister ( shes skinny) and my mum n dad they would say things like should u be eating that ur gettin obese id get names like fatty boomba big gut, the list goes on, since i was young even now i get the odd comments,,, but the thing is i looked back on pictures when i was young and i wasnt even fat ,, thats what i dont get.... when they would say these thing id yell at them then go in my room crying so they didnt see me... i even got to the stage where i was sneaking food from them just so i didnt get called all thoses names........ it made me so angry and through growing up ive become alot more angrier because im still getting the blame for everything and now because im older and angry i will defend myself alot better then i get told i have a nasty mouth on me . but they dont c y im saying these things.....

    just recently the easter weekend sat night i went out with my sister ( to clear the air) and our friends.... her name is amy. she ended up calling mum and dad 1am and told them to come and get me shes had to many drinks, i didnt want to go anywhere .. not knowing they were coming i went upstairs in the bathroom its huge with a big lounge , i sat up there to chill out a bit.. the next thing mum and dad burst through and the 1st thing dad does is drag me off the couch and hit me... he said get up you fool and get outside, he dragged me out of the club hittin me on the way out , n they all were grabbing me to drag me into the car and i said im not going anywhere get off me. well after a while of this on the street 2 bouncers came upn told my dad to let go of me n to stop hitting her, i told them to go away im ok ( because its still my dad) two other guys came up n said the same thing so i told them to go away its ok..i had 8 people around me not letting me go anywhere and grabbing me so i hit out on all of them i punched kicked everyone i was so angry they were treating my like i was an animal. when i finally got free of them i went around the corner to get into another club and my dad went up to the bouncer and said dont let her in shes banned from everywhere.. which i wasnt .. so the bouncer said u cant come in ... i started agruing with him because i did nothing wrong, then the police came behind me and arrested me, i couldnt believe it... they put me in a paddy wagon n took me to the station, mum convinced them not to charge me and they didnt...mum n dad were takin me home hittin me on the way, so when i got in i went upstairs grabbed my phone put it down my underwear and grabbed a large bottle of jack daniels and went into the bathroom locked the door.. i skulled the bottle of whiskey and called the police, the next thing the police came upstairs knocked down the door told everyone to go downstairs and he said what are you doing, i said i want to get out of here and i passed out , the next thing im in hospital unconcious, when woke up they put me in a padded cell i said i wanted to die...... after all that i was let home i slept that night then the next morning dad yelled at me and said dont call me dad... that really hurt me, i went out said ill be back later im getting some shopping... i went to a shopping center brought whiskey vodka and drunk the hol lot so i could die... the ambos were called n i was bk at hosp.... so much happened.... im do angry with everything.. to top it all off ive cut my friends off because i dont trust them anymore and ive cut my sister out of my life i hate her i really do...!!!!!!!

    i dont know what to do anymore i dont want to live life i hate it im not looking forward to a future and i dont want a future i dont want to be here anymore im not happy.......

    alot of things have happened i have alot of hatred towards people i get to angry..........

    i dont know if i can turn back i know i will do this again, ive already planned another night out again to drink myself to death... i want to sleep and not wake up! ...


    this is my webpage, u can see what i look like i dont think im fat anymore ill just have to ignore people... u will see i sing country music, this is my only escape when i get home.... i look happy on here to.. u wouldnt think ive got these issues...

    < Mod Edit Hazel: Link to photo >

    i know this is alot to take in i dont know if this is possible to help me ive got so many things going on in my head...
    but i thank you for helping me , it does mean alot....
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the ....

    Welcome to the forum hun, Im sorry thing are so bad for your right now:sad:
    Your dad was really out of order. There was no need for him to do all those things
    Please dont give up, you have made the first step already by writing down everything here, please stay with us.
    I think your best bet here is to move out, do you have anyone you can stay with? :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2008
  3. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the .....

    Link doesn't work for me.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2008
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the ....

    add another W, then it will work :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2008
  5. tinamck01

    tinamck01 Guest

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the .....

    i dont have anyone to stay with and ive tryed to move out but dad found out and grabbed all my things off of me wouldnt let me have anything but the clothes on my back so i had to go home... :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2008
  6. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the .....

    Hello Tina & welcome to Sf, I'm glad you have found us and hope we can support you through the awful time you are having.
    Are you working or still in education? Is there anyone you can talk to perhaps your doctor or counsellor, remember you can talk to us here anytime.
    Do you have any relatives that would support you?

    Take care Hazel x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2008
  7. DrownedGirl

    DrownedGirl Well-Known Member

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the .....

    Well i i am thinking of runing away..to i got some mony..and then i will see but one thing is 4sore...i willl have to go over the see where nobody could posably faund me. As 4your family situation..i understand you. Well parent`s are just trying to mentaly break us any way they can..just hold on if you need help you know where to find me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2008
  8. Lady of Shalott

    Lady of Shalott Active Member

    Re: this one is for psychiatrists.. im going to commit suicide on the 19th april.....

    Tina, I think you should try and try again to leave that place and those people. If you're 21, your father and no one else there has the right to make you stay there. If for some reason you can't ever find a way to leave without your father finding out, you could try to get the support of the police or maybe a lawyer to make sure your father doesn't make you stay there. I wouldn't stay alive in an environment like that either, the only other option is to leave asap.

    I hope you find a good way out.
     
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