This pain...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Givinup, Dec 18, 2014.

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  1. Givinup

    Givinup Member

    I cannot get rid of this pain... It's not that I am just sitting and waiting.. I am trying to change things. Recently I was very closed person, I didn't talk to anyone, just did my thing every day and couldn't wait to be alone in my room. Now I decided to give it a try to socialize and etc, we are on a business trip, so I was trying for a week to e around my colleges, talk to them and try to be involved in their activities and all te jokes and etc. but then so many things distract my mind, and I get this pain in my heart again.. I don't feel comfortable.. All I can think of is how much I want to go back to my own room, hide from everybody.. I want a drink and a cigarette.. (Which I didn't have for at least 6 months) and then I have these thoughts of just freeing myself from this bs by ending it in a quite way all by myself
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It will take time ok to get use to socializing Start off slow just mingle with one or two people not a group because as you say your mind goes all over place
    That uncomfortable pain will lessen the more times you try to reach out try not to do it all so quickly small steps
    Good for you for trying that takes courage
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I read on your other thread that you are going to try and get help, best of luck my friend :)
     
  4. Givinup

    Givinup Member

    Thank you. And the thing is that I used to be very social person, I had so many friends, people always used to love me... But I was in a dark place for the past year or year and a half, and I did not try to make new friends since I moved to a new place. It is hard to communicate with my closest friends back home over Internet plus they have their own life's.. And I don't wan to tell my problems to my mother or sister because they have a lot of problems by themselfs an if I even mentioned that something bad happened they don't sleep per nights and worry, so I just lie and say that everything is going really well... When I engage and communicate with these people I feel ok, and etc but once again my mind interrupts with some memory and I become very upset. At nights I can't even sleep.. I just think about doing something stupid to myself, or trying to read these forums to see what people say..
     
  5. Givinup

    Givinup Member

    Petal, yes I will try and get some help if I survive this holiday break all by myself... I just need someone to talk to, get advice how to heal and get away from this pain and darkness...
     
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