I don't know why I come here. I don't think I should be here, nor do I want to be here sometimes. Yet here I am, like a bad seed. This place is like some kind of addiction, and not even a good one. I don't have friends here. I don't really have anything here but I come here nearly everyday without fail. Why do I do that? What is this place actually doing for me? What I am doing for this place? What difference is it making to me, my life? What difference am I making to others lives? None that I can see, none at all. I don't understand myself and my need to come here. Do I really need to be here? Yes I have suffered from depressive states. Yes, I used to self harm, still do occasionally. Yes, I have problems with food. But am I suicidal? No, I'm not. Why do I come here? What else should I be doing instead? I should be making a difference somewhere else. But when is it enough? I don't like myself sometimes. I confuse myself. I'm far too cynical when I read some of the posts here. I'm far too hard. I wish that I had never found this place sometimes or that I could erase it from my mind and computer. I need to try and stay away from here. I hope you all find whatever it is you're looking for. Take care of yourselves.