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This record is stuck *sighs* !(may trigger)!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    So today I found out that my support worker is passing me on to yet another person because of what I need help with. I only just finished 10 weeks of counselling and I already miss that. Too many changes all at once, too many people I get to know then they vanish or pass the book to someone else.

    I had a whole afternoon in tears and having panic attacks today.

    I was trying to cut down on the STUPID Nurofen Plus (ibuprofen and codeine) pills but hey, I'm back doing it just as much again. I'm no good without my little chemical fixes. I want a drink again and I am so close to buying some it's unreal. I just want to get drunk, then who knows what I might have the courage to do.

    Fuck nurofen plus and the love hate relationship I have with it. Everytime something does not go as I like, I'm running to the stupid things just like I used to run to alcohol.

    It's avalable over the counter here and it's big black spot on my life. The pharmacy is like a magnet to me, pulling me in and I'm going with the flow. I refuse to go to the doctor and have this compensated with some stupid anti depressant that is equaly addictive and might just be the push I need to go over the edge. Nobody "professional" I have told so far took it seriously and because I have Asperger syndrome meds effect my brain differently to a lot of people, so the effect the Nurofen Plus has on me is probably nicer than it is for most. Also because of my AS it's turned into an "obsession" which is so bad due to my track record with obsessions.

    My life revolves around buying it, I dread having to buy it, I dread running out because my body physicaly needs it now. It's wasting my money, taking up my time and consuming me.

    I'm not sure I want the people I love to be by my bedside in hospital when I'm throwing up my insides in a pool of blood because of damage I might be doing with these fucking pills, I feel often like I should quit before this happens in a nicer way.

    Change = pills. My AS makes changes in life even fucking harder for me to deal with and I turn to substances to bear it. Fuck.

    How can I think the things I do at the moment?

    I've had enough of being a number or a pack of pills.

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 30, 2008
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please be careful TinWoman. Please don't take all these harmful pills. I know it sucks to get a new counsellor after being with one for so long, but don't let that bring you down. You can help yourself, too. Also, remember that you can always pm me if you need someone to talk to. :hug:
  3. PeaceBlueFire

    PeaceBlueFire Well-Known Member

    I know it's hard to be tossed repeatedly through the medical system from therapist to therapist or even doctor to doctor. Trust me I've been there...I'm still there! I have seen over a dozen counsellors in a few years. Some help, others don't. Try to find someone who will work with you and help you with whatever you are dealing with. It is difficult to have the strength to get through it sometimes, but there is always hope. Always some reason to keep going through the days. Find a reason and hang on to it. Think about it, dream about it, live it!

    I hope this helps. Peace! :)
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Thats easier said that done when your physicaly addicted to something. Not having a go at you or anything but I'm a bit beyond self help now.
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