This ship is sinking

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadcat, Feb 10, 2013.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Man down - ship sinking !!!!

    Am having a bad panic attack. trying klonopin, playing piano , breathing - nothing helping.
    Expect the attack to convert over to depersinalization - a form of dissocoationany minute.

    am hurting bad from spinal stenosis - had epidurl 2 days a go - take 3 to5 days to work.

    BP is way up sent fax to cardiology.

    Still feeling bad from diverticulitis attack - last month.

    still convalesing having a tooth pulled.

    fighting off bad case of thrush.

    experiencing upper arm pain

    right leg spinal stenosis and pira forma syndrome

    major cold - approaching fast being asthma attack.

    had major flare up of the quadradius lumborim muscle group.

    fingers very painful from cold weather.

    what next.

    Sad Cat
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Wow - that is a lot of things all at once :hug: I am sorry you are dealing with all of that. I am glad that you are getting medical help - I hope they can find you some meds that work.

    Keep talking to us - might not be of any practical help but getting things off your chest can help to not get overwhelmed. I am sending you good thoughts and :hug: - please take care
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Geez. That is an awful dose you're getting. Don't know what to say really only hang in there, things can only get better :hug:
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Here if there's any way I can help.
  5. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear sadcat, I am so sorry you are bad again, I am not of much help right now,my ship sunk recently , but if you want to pm , I have fiddled around with the control panel and its possible again, lets meet at the bottom of the sea Mozart
  6. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Dear Mozart

    Two ships are better than one. Perhaps we can hold each other afloat.

    I have sunk down into the depths of the ocean before. It was in a deep depression from which nothing mattered any more.
    It is not a good place to be. It is dark and cold and alone.

    Rather to have , even a single friend , a single torch in the dark, a single touch of warmth, a single hand to hold onto this world.
    So that we can come back tomorrow and seek new light and warmth.

    Yeaterday - with hands still bleeding all over the keyboard -
    I played a half dozen pieces from Queen....rapid fire and with force. Then I played a dozen pieces from Les Miserables.
    And with almost indifference to the blood splattered keyboard - I set out the Gershwin book onto the piano for tomorrow. I will try to wipe the keyboard down this morning after I go to get some physical therapy for my pain.

    Am using a skin moisturizer for people with cancer (who had radiation and chemo) to try to get my hands to heal . They must heal !
    It is very painful to even touch my clothes, let alone the keyboard. But pain or not - I will play for at least half of the Gershwin book today.
    Even if I have to take a vicodin to play - I will play.

    And after the Physical therapy, if I am able - i will go to the gym and do an hour of cardio to help bring my heart along for another day.

    I am working hard to stay afloat, every day. But I cannot do it without you and perhaps a few other friends.

    Talk to me of what you have been doing to change your plight. I need to hear that. For some days I become discouraged too.
    Knowing that someone else in this dark , cold world cares enough to try to grow and re-build.

    hugs, SadCat
  7. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear sadcat,

    I have been sitting in the dark a bit,but reading your posting made me crawl out of it !
    I feel like my ship is still pretty good going when I compare it with your vessel,and I am on a big ship,you know,unsinkable they say !!
    But looking out of the cheap 4th class cabin I noticed the 4 gigantic chimneys and I can't read the name of the ship from here,is that a "T" as a first letter ?
    , it's comfortable and yesterday I got invited into 1st class ,despite being a poor bugger but they heard that I can play piano and then I got brushed up and shifted to the saloon,nice Boesendorfer,played some Ravel,they liked it.
    So that's me ,but I hope it's only a dream.
    I will certainly come to the rescue,my ship was advertised as unsinkable,so you are safe with me....
    Enough of that now.
    I hope you get some relief, I really do and you play Gershwin,how cool is that !!! ( I love his songbook and the solo version of the Rhapsody, pieces I perform a lot )....keep your spirits up , I will do the same,
    ahhh, another call from the steward,would I come to the 1st class saloon again and play some Chopin,hmmm, why not, Barcarolle,2nd sonata will do ( "oh no,too dark" the steward mumbles,is he musical ? OK ,some Waltzes then...) they treat me afterwards with a cigar and a Brandy....can't wait to get to New York
  8. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    HI Mozart

    Yeah - I love Gershwin. Have even gotten thru the Rhapsody. Not familiar with the solo - unless you mean the whole song - all , what is it 34 pages.

    I play whole books of music when I sit down to play; sometimes more than one book at a time.

    The music is what relaxes me.

    I do not attempt perfection in my playing. Never had a lesson, but most people who know music have told me that I play pretty good. A few asked where I had studied. I never study. I believe in just sitting down and playing to relax. I do not need an audience. The music is more than enough to block out any of my daily trials or tribulaions.

    Then I go to the gym - to get stronger, so I will be able to play the pinao longer.

    Gonna play today til I get to and play - "in the mandarin's orchid garden". Then I will find another book for this evening.

    Have a good day my friend, and know that I am thinking about you.

  9. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear sadcat,

    hope things are well. So nice to read about your piano playing,that's the spirit and that's what it's all about. Doing it as a profession as I do has it pro's and con's, one of the con's is one cannot easily enjoy other people's playing as one gets immediately into a kind of critique mode,my old teacher used to complain about it, " can't enjoy Beethoven's 5th concerto anymore, have heard it too many times". So I also prefer listening to string quartets and big symphonies on the up side one can spend one's life with the most amazing works of music and its also a great form of escapism. When performing I am truly happy,probably the only time ever apart from reading.
    The gym is good, I haven't done any sports for 2 weeks now ,that happens when I am down in the basement,and its a bugger as it makes things worse.
    But Achrons of Athens, if you can do it ,so can I !! Start today.
    take care,
    Mozart ( basement composer and pianeur )
  10. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Dear Dear Mozart

    Right now I am thrilled to hear you will go to the gym. I know that going out and just doing something helps me immensely.

    I am actually doing a lot better today - I have done a bunch of physical therapy stretches this morning, then went to the gym and did a super 50 minutes of cardio (been down to slightly below 30 minutes for a while now) , and then did a good round of circuits and even some minor free weights to strengthen my wrists. Considering I am in a full spinal stenosis flare up - that is a lot.

    Finally convinced cardiology to double my meds. My heart is getting stronger now, and my blood pressures have been too high. This should be some help.

    Do you have any face to face , support groups in the area where you are currently living? I frequent Gilda's club when I get a bit down. It's a day out and they have a nice grand piano - so I go over and play their piano for a couple hours to relax. The people in the building do not seem to mind and I even get a few compliments. But it is better for me than my current - keyboard - a full sized, velocity weighted , Casio, with 128 voices and split keyboard capability. Had to sell my grand piano when I moved a few times ago . Now that I am in a decent sized apartment - I have room, but am not willing to put out the 10,000 $ for a new grand.

    hugs, Sad
  11. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear sadcat,
    well, I had a friend over and beer was drunk and now I won't make it to the I will tinkle the ivories instead,but tomorrow I will go.
    So glad to hear you are better !!!!! :bounce: No support groups here ,but I am a lonely soldier,always was,that's quite OK. Don't worry about me too much,
    I am not worth the trouble...just kidding.... but just don't worry you got enough on your plate.
    Pity about the keyboard,a real piano is something different but in the end it does not matter really as long as you play and are happy !!
    Still beautiful weather here,summer really, so I 'll go outside and soak some sun,
    take care,hugs from old
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