I'm retarded. When I write something, and it doesn't look right to me, I erase it, and make another mark, and erase it again, so I erase some stuff two times in total, I do this on tests, it takes up most of my time and I don't end up finishing the test, get an F, screw the teachers. I used to flick lights on and off following a "12...4...2...12...4...2" ritual but now it's brushing my hair on all sides exactly four times and it has to be four times I think I'm crazy? And in public I try to avoid reflective surfaces or looking in the mirrors ugh I just can't look at myself anymore I might give myself a heart attack if I do haha? And I ate jack in the box that my sister bought today and I swear to god I'm never gonna eat again I don't deserve to eat anyway and I need to lose weight, especially around my face, and now my stomach hurts and now I'm 110 I used to be 108 fuck fast food america. And now my fuckin arms are covered in cuts and the teachers always makes these wisecrack remarks about how its over 80 degrees and isn't it weird how some people have sweaters on? Well, do you really wanna see them, you fuckin moron? Four Fs, Two Ds, at this rate I will need to repeat another year, counselor called me in, talked about grades, I hid my progress report card and lied about skipping school. So basically it's too late. Basically I don't have a future. Now my dad wants me to work at his store fridays and saturdays and I say sure, I don't ever do my homework anyways, haha, I won't be around much longer anyway, dad, but how do I tell him that? I don't think anyone will understand. I can't even stop my own thoughts it's like riding a fuckin ferris wheel that goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I don't believe anyone can help me, honestly help me, I just want someone to listen to me for once. I wish someone would just take the time to sit and listen to me without judging me. I know you hate me but just listen to me first, please.