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This sounds so stupid but it's true


SF Supporter
I know there are those who.wojld ask "why is he complaining?". I think the same thing about successful people in media who have self harmed or taken their own life. I have a good job. It pays really well. I'm very good at it. I have a second shadow career that adds to the good job and is based on things that I once developed and is now a company. That shadow career won't go away. The company keeps bugging me and begging for extra time and more help and pleasing and expecting me to help them. They throw money at me and beg and plead me to help fix things and I have a career. I don't want to be part of this. I try to say no politely. I try to stop the expectations.

This all sounds so stupid: "just tell them no" and "why are you complaining" but this is just another example of things that won't stop.

I have a job and I am constantly surrounded by people not related to that work or job who need help for things. I try to give them a bit of direction and it always results in meetings scheduled and calls and hours of my time.

Last week a developer came to me needing help with a math coding problem and I gave her some suggestions figuring she would take that suggestion and go off and explore and work. Four half hour calls later over three days I've had to walk her through every step of somethibg I didn't want to have to solve for someone. I'm tired. I don't like to have to do this kind of thing for everyone else all the time.

I know I should be grateful I have work and purpose but it's just neverending and most is things that I tryi to say no to and it comes back.

This all adds so much to my depression.
Hello. I’m similar. Got a great job three great kids and still can’t crack a smile. It’s awful. I feel your pain. I’m waiting for meds to maybe help but I need to help myself. I just can’t be bothered. I’ve isolated myself from everyone except my kids. And I’m normally so outgoing. I have no interest in anything.
@Secgirl , sorry that you're going through this. The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods, there might be something there that can help.

I know there are those who.wojld ask "why is he complaining?"
Well, anyone who would think that doesn't understand that having money and good career doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. I think maybe we are conditioned to think that material things and social status are so important that anyone who has those things must be "ok", but it's really ignoring the importance of health and relationships.

Four half hour calls later over three days I've had to walk her through every step of somethibg I didn't want to have to solve for someone. I'm tired
The core of assertiveness is the belief that you have a right to express to others what you think and feel. Do you feel that way about yourself?


Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
The thing with depression, is that it doesn't discriminate, it can affect anyone at anytime from any walk of life irrespective of job finances, family/friends social network.

@Jsinjin , I can relate as I was in a similar position, good job and everyone including his dog wanting a part of you.
it doesn't sound stupid, to me it sounds stupid that people think you can be immune to depression because you have xyz. anything has the ability to make someone feel depressed and everyone has different pain thresholds so its not stupid at all for things to effect you how they do. I think people put too much emphasis on everyone being the same, as if just because some people are happy with a job and money and this and that that everyone should be. its ok to be depressed despite having things that others want, you dont have to feel fulfilled or content with what others are fulfilled or content with. people just operate differently and people need to respect that rather than trying to belittle how you feel. All pain is valid. I can't stand people who question you as their first reaction rather than wanting to empathize and show support.

Hi @Jsinjin It sounds very much to me as if you are in burnout. Everyone and everything has slowly taken a little piece of you bit by bit and you have willingly given of yourself for years. But that sort of thing is not sustainable. We all have that point at which we can’t give anymore but the guilt that you can’t do what you used to is also really tough. There are times when I can’t even take having someone else in the room or near. I get so overwhelmed and the need for space to breathe is exhausting. But I tend to find that alone time and in fact just the thought of alone time can be very dangerous.

I was recently told that I have the ability within myself to make the changes that are needed to make life easier again. In my journey to try to get better, at first I was simply trying hard to get back to what I was before. But I have realised that I can’t do that. I can’t go back to that life which caused the burnout in the first place, it would eventually and probably quite quickly set me back to square one again. Making the necessary changes is difficult but sometimes a few small changes can add up. I’ve been told to walk, walk every day. To get in touch with my surrounding and simply have a time in the day which is mine and mine alone. Start taking back control and stopping everyone else around you owning you and prescribing what you do. I hope you start to feel better soon. The journey is a long and difficult one. I’m reading a book called ‘unlock you’ which has an interesting take on what you can do. I’ve only just started it but so far it has made sense.
Take care and stay safe. Keep talking. *console Xx

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