This stupid cancer pain is really hurting me tonight. This morning it was okay but then i ran out of pain meds and went to the drug store to refill my prescription but the dang drug store was closed due to remodel or something , now i have to wait until 9 am before i can get and releaf from this pain and im about to lose it.. i have some headache pms but its got sleeping meds in it. it will make me numb if i take enough of them yet taking them with my cancer pill and heart pills might not interact yet i got to have some type of releaf.. i have been trying to post and chat pm with others to get my mind off this dang pain but its not giving and it hurts.. i dont know how much more longer i can stand this.. i am seriously thinking of taking at least a few of them so it will numb me but i dont know how it will interact.. i need this pain to stop.. i am in tears and have never felt pain like this.. if this is a taste of what is to come for me then i know i cant handel the dumb pain.. i just cant stand pain , never could. i dont know what to do anymore... i dont want this stupid pain. never once wanted it, never asked for it.. God i want it to stop.. i miss everyone.. i want my mom here. i need her and i miss her. why do i have to have this hard pain? Why couldnt i have had an easy and healthy life? I was so stupid, so stupid to attempt my life the last time.. it did nothing for me, i know it brought on this stupid cancer. i oded and it put an infection in me that laid there and now my liver is dying because of a stupid mistake... Why did i call someone that day? Why did the cops come and save me? You saved me alright , you brought me back to suffer this stupid cancer pain, Why couldnt you have let me died? i lost everyone that i ever cared about, if i had died they would have still loved me and would have went to my funeral, I lost david and elaine as friends now they are like dead to me because they never will come around ,never will call, never want anything to do with me , i lost the friends i had , i am just so stupid, what good did it do to save me when i lost everything... now i got to die a stupid slow death. a slow death because of me, because i called someone that day, i cant stand this pain, this stupid physical pain,. GOD it hurts so much i cant describe it. it is not fair. it is not fair.... you should have let me die.. you should have just let me die.. you brought me back to go this alone , now i am dying a stupid cancer , a stupid cancer that i brought upon myself.. why didnt you believe me before i actually attempted it? Why didnt you help stop me that day? why didnt i stop myself or at least went ahead and ended it? God i dont know what to do anymore.. this pain is so hard and hurting so bad.. its not fair , not fair.. do i deserve all this? do i deserve all this pain??