this sucks

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by rachypooh, Sep 14, 2006.

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  1. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    its not that i do it because i want to or because i can.
    why would i chose to do this to myself ????????????.
    its not like i have a choice in the matter.
    why in hell would i want this ????????
    they think i am making it up,
    why would i make any of this up?????????
    this is no way to live, no way at all
    i've stuffed up this time - havent I ???
    cut deep enough for stitches
    finally stopped bleeding
    blood all over my clothes
    blood every where I look
    dont know what i am doing anymore

  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey hun, how are the cuts now? If they are that deep then it's best to get yourself medical treatment from the hospital otherwise it will get infected and it won't heal by itself. I know what you mean, some people just don't understand but we do. :hug:
  3. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    Cuts are still bad
    Hurt like hell, even more so since he has been
    One has started to bleed again
    Not leaving house until its day light
    Dont want emergency services here again
    Dont feel like I am me anymore
  4. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    You doing any better Rachypooh? I hope you are able to get the bleeding to stop ok. I know what you mean by not having a choice. I feel like I have a demon inside me, telling me what to do. You ever feel like that? You know better than to cut, yet we still do it. It don't make sense does it?

    Remember you can slow the bleeding if you hold the cut above your head, and put pressure on it. Also, I don't know if this is smart or not, but I have found that if I use toliet paper as a bandage, the fibers in the paper help to clot the cut.

    Your still you by the way. You are aware that what your doing is dangerous. So don't loose hope. You're still here and we are still here with you.
  5. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    I am still not good.
    It stopped eventually.
    Always feel like someone is in me doing this stuff.
    Couldnt really hold it above head height.

    Not sure what is going on around me anymore.
  6. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    I'm truly sorry your still in a slump. I feel kind of like I'm headed towards a slump myself. Trying to stay strong. It's good that you finally stopped cutting last night. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for doing that. You should try to do something fun this weekend. Get out and do something. I like camping so, I'm going to try to do that. What do you like to do? As long as we are busy and having fun, that thing inside of us can't tell us what to do or control us. You just have to get started, and that's the hard part.
  7. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    I dont think I will be leaving the house after last night.
    Not for any money in the world.
    I havent cut today thank fully.
    Not for the lack of wanting to after last night.

    Trying to keep busy with things and keep my mind occupied.
    Have to try and organise myself.
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