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This thread should open your mind (My insights on how people hate being loved)

#1
Hello guys! This is my first time posting something not as a story, so I'm just talking out of personal experiences, I just experienced another breakup following my story #3 in which i was talking about a girl i was in a relationship with (We just broke up 4 hours ago and she blocked me for the first time so I'm guessing that's it)

But anyway, this thread is not directed to her nor to anyone in specific this is me just stating what I've learned from my intimate interactions with the opposite sex (women in my case)

Now before I say anything, I'm not generalizing, I'm not directing this to ALL WOMEN I'm just stating how odd relationships have been for me.


Getting right to it, my first actual relationship was with a girl who I don't think loved me nor I loved her, It was online and It was a long distanced one I never saw her she never saw me and I was too young so I don't think I should babble much about this, I'll move on to relationship #2,

I met a girl and we clicked pretty fast, we spent days talking, we texted 15 texts per minute and this is how most of my relationships begin tbh! Me and another person clicking so well, we get to know each other more and i get attached and they (probably) got temporarily attached to me as well and it goes official.

But when i look back at things, It feels like I'm always the one in control when a relationship starts, I'm the one calling shots, I'm never hurt and my partner is always pleasing me even when we fight it's not ugly.

BUT when time passes, after a while, after a few fights, when i get too attached probably, when i start actually caring for someone, it kind of changes, its not the same as before.
Even when they say they love me it doesn't feel like it.

Do you ever get that vibe that it's just not there anymore? Even if they say they love you, It's just not the same as it was first? You don't feel that love aura from them anymore. Am i imagining this or is it real?

It happened with that relationship #2 i stated, she left me with no explanation whatsoever until i finally reached her and she said it wasn't comfortable to talk to me anymore and that was when i picked up the pieces and just walked away.

Relationship #3 was literally the same! This is why the post won't go longer beyond this point, I'd literally be repeating myself, In the beginning, I'm the one in control because I don't care much, then gradually, i start caring, i get attached and i show so much love and attention i swear to you guys I'm such a passionate lover and when i care for someone i'm ready to give them the world.
Then she changed, I was getting hurt over and over until the whole thing ended badly.

Now jumping to the girl i broke up with 4 hours ago, I won't repeat myself just read the above, STILL AT FIRST I WAS THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS.

Question is, why do people hate me when i start loving them deeply?

Am i too much? Is my love intolerable?
Please don't give me textbook answers that i just didn't find the right one yet, because if no one can give a valid answer, then you, yes YOU reader, i wrote on the thread title that this would open your mind, here it is:

Everyone advised me, everyone told me to not go too deep, don't do this, and i ignored them until my mom told me that there's no point telling me anything and that i need to go through this so that i'd learn that one SHOULD NOT and NEVER give people too much and she told me:
"Givers should be wary of their limits because takers don't have any"

So, here you go, if you don't want to get your heartbroken, start to ice that little heart of yours and never show anyone how much you love them if it's that deep, or AT LEAST give them JUST AS MUCH as they're giving you, you need to be really careful doing this because i (based on what i stated above) ruined my relationships by getting caught up and forgetting my limits so i end up spoiling it by giving too much i guess?

Yeah being a good person has a huge cost nowadays, not just relationships wise, you get my point, got any contrary thoughts? Has anyone actually loved someone that deep and gotten just as much back? Comment if you did I'll be watching this thread i can't sleep anyways.
 
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#2
I'm hurting while writing this and it's almost 4 AM and I can't sleep that's why I'm here, not crying tho because I'm trying to teach myself that this is all temporary, I've moved on before like 3 times already so I'm just waiting for this wave to settle I guess... but I'm hurting I won't lie. Memories are what scare me the most.
 
#3
Sorry that you broke up with #4. It hurts a lot to break up with someone that you love, especially early on.

So it could be that the women you've been dating haven't really wanted a serious relationship, and then how much you loved them scared them. Or it could be that it seemed like you were starting to need rather than just love them.

If you got blocked, it suggests there was some sort of fear on their part.
 
#4
Sorry that you broke up with #4. It hurts a lot to break up with someone that you love, especially early on.
Thanks I'm hoping the moving on doesn't take long on this one because I'm at home most of the time cuz of the pandemic thing and being lonely makes it worse.


So it could be that the women you've been dating haven't really wanted a serious relationship, and then how much you loved them scared them. Or it could be that it seemed like you were starting to need rather than just love them.
Maybe its a mix of they didn't want a serious relationship and my love scared them? But then again how can someone's amount of love scare you?
I for sure wouldn't be scared if someone deeply loved me.

Also I mean, if you love someone, you'll need them too, right?

If you got blocked, it suggests there was some sort of fear on their part.
What do you mean by fear, fear of what? I mean heh, she always told me "If a girl doesn't block you she doesn't love you" but that might've been bullshit from her before I honestly don't know anymore, kinda lost at this point because she feels a bit devious about everything she says.
 
#5
But then again how can someone's amount of love scare you?
Well, if they don't want to be in a serious relationship, then love would be scary
Also I mean, if you love someone, you'll need them too, right?
No. You might be sad to lose them, but you'd be ok without them.

From what I've seen on the forums, if you can't be ok not being in a relationship, it's pretty much guaranteed that the relationship is going to fail.

The good news here is that if you can learn to be ok and not be in a relationship, you'll probably be able to find one that can last.
 
#6
Well, if they don't want to be in a serious relationship, then love would be scary
That makes sense I agree.


No. You might be sad to lose them, but you'd be ok without them.
I think this applies in any situation, anyone can just meet someone new right? life isn't gonna stop on that one person you broke up with its just the part where you try to deal with it that pains.

From what I've seen on the forums, if you can't be ok not being in a relationship, it's pretty much guaranteed that the relationship is going to fail.
The good news here is that if you can learn to be ok and not be in a relationship, you'll probably be able to find one that can last.
I totally agree with this and this part in specific enlightened me, thanks for these words.
EDIT: Just to add, I don't feel okay when I'm not in a relationship and I hope to learn how to cope with life without one as when I'm alone I just find myself searching for someone to love and to love me back, I don't like being alone.

But if you don't mind, can you elaborate on the last part I commented on above? this part:

What do you mean by fear, fear of what? I mean heh, she always told me "If a girl doesn't block you she doesn't love you" but that might've been bullshit from her before I honestly don't know anymore, kinda lost at this point because she feels a bit devious about everything she says.
 
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#7
Idk. If she's blocking you, then she either fears contact with you or can't tolerate it for some reason.

Maybe blocking might happen in the short term because of a fight or something. Do you get the impression that she may want to get back together with you eventually, or that she is blocking you because the relationship is very much over and she wants to send a clear message.
 

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