This time feels different

[PerfectlyImperfect]

Trying to talk myself out of doing it tonight and forgetting everything I "need" to do. Thinking that it doesn't matter if I'm just going to be dead anyway.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I'm sorry to hear that you are suicidal but I'm glad you haven't done anything yet. I hope that you will be able to find something to distract you and keep you going. Even if it's just to post here and talk to us. :hugtackles:

 

[PerfectlyImperfect]

I told my best friend I'd visit her on Thursday and stay until Sunday.

I'm torn. Do I visit her? Or do I kill myself?

If I visit her, I know I'll have a good time, but it won't change anything.
If I kill myself, it won't matter that I didn't get to see her one last time.

I keep trying to tell myself there's no hurry to kill myself. Nothing is stopping me doing it next week rather than this week. So why do I feel such a sense of urgency about it?

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You should visit your friend, maybe it will help you feel better. At least it will give you some time away from the plans and thoughts that you have.

 

[PerfectlyImperfect]

Thanks. I think I will go and see her. After all, what's my hurry? I've survived this long already, I can survive a little longer.


On a side note, I decided to get high tonight, and I feel absolutely amazing.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Well I'm glad that you feeling at least a little bit better. :smile:

 

[Tmacster1]

I'm also glad that you feel somewhat better to

Trevor,

 

[PerfectlyImperfect]

I have decided that tomorrow is the day I finally go through with this. I reached out to my friend, told her almost everything. She had nothing to say, changed the subject. I don't know what I expected anyway.