this time i MEAN it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whybother?, Jan 22, 2009.

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  1. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    why does this always happen to me?

    JUST wen i thought my life was getting back on track. I got a job , i dont self harm as often, ive partly patched up things with ppl i had arguements with. for the 1st time in ages i was happy with the way things was going!

    BUT my sister has just told me that her and my dad had an arguement. what about? did i steal money from them? NOPE! did i threaten to hit them or have hit them? NOPE! have i abused them in anyway? NOPE! have i taken drugs? NOPE! its because I WAS SMOKING A CIG IN MY ROOM. my mum has given me idle threats in the past about throwing me out but this was my dad! he said to my sister ''this isnt 1 of ur mums idle threats i fucking mean it! i cant take living with nigel (me) and any of u lot anymore'' what parent throws out there only son, espcially 1 thats suffering with mental health problems?

    the only thing thats stopped me in the past from killing myself is becuz i thought i didnt have it that bad, but now i wont have a home to live in (2 weeks to be exact) i wont have my job becuz im homeless. so you know what? i actually stopped caring now, i WILL 100% PROMISE u i WILL kill myself tonite, by any means possible!

    no1 or nothing at all will change my fuckin mind, couldnt care if it upsets any of my ex g/f's , sister , friends, and no offence but any of u. why the fuck shud i stay around to suffer just becuz ppl want me alive?? ive never been a selfish person but fuck it, this'll be the 1st selfish act im gonna do
     
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Can i ask something?
    Is this your photo in there? (your avatar)?
     
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Why don't you talk to your father, apologize for breaking the house rules and tell him it won't happen again?
     
  4. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    yes that picture is of me

    and me and my sisters boyfriend has said sorry for wat we've done and my dad still wants out, only a few hours till i kill myself. end this terrible shitty life of mine
     
  5. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    Could you try just sitting down with your dad and talking about the decision he's making and how badly it's going to/is affecting you?

    It maybe that he's really just angry at this moment, but when he sees the hell you're going through, he'll see things clearly.

    But throwing you out for smoking a cig in your room? Harsh man.

    My sympathies with you bro.
     
  6. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    my dad is uncaring, hes not angry anymore, he told me to my face he wants me out asap, didnt have ago at me or anything, and my parents know wat im going through and they just dont give a shit, well not long now :)
     
  7. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    Please don't mind the question but how old are you?
     
  8. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

  9. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    Not that this may be relevant but 2 weeks? Does that mean your Dad's given you 2 weeks notice?
     
  10. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    Well dude, if your dad seriously isn't listening to you and is telling you to get out, then fuck him and get out.

    If people can't see the shit you're going through then you don't have to deal with them.

    Talk to some of your friends, anyone. Even your sister's boyfriend, and ask them if you can stay with them for a while.

    I know it sounds crazy and pointless, but dude, just give it a try. Maybe it'll turn out to be something which you'll enjoy or atleast tolerate.

    You don't have to take shit from your parents or be dependent on them bro, just get into an environment which is more friendly (hence my idea of bunking with a buddy) and keep going from there on.
     
  11. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    i asked my sisters b/f and he said he cant, theyve found a place already and its tiny, barely enough for them 2 let alone having me there, and i have no friends, and the rest of my family hate me. its not going to end well no matter wat happens, i may aswell just kill myself and save going through even more shit tbh
     
  12. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    The thing you need is to get away from your family.

    Seriously it just seems to me like they're choking the shit out of you and you're left reeling.

    I'm kinda in the same boat as you, even though my mom and dad try to be good parents (which they are) but I can't wait to live on my own and get way from them (no hard feelings mom and dad).

    And dude, you should tell your sis's bf that you just need a place to put your head down for a couple of days. I don't care if they live in a box, you are in dire need of help and they are the only people you can turn to. Tell them it'll only be for a few days and get searching for places to rent asap. And keep that job, money helps in a capitalist economy.

    Please don't mind me saying this, but maybe this can turn out in your favour. If you get away from your folks and live more or less independently, maybe you'll start feeling better about yourself.

    But in any case this is not something worth killing yourself for man (some would say nothing is, but then...) it's just a sudden change, and it's okay to be afraid of that, but don't think that it'll be the end of you.

    Tell me bro, what is your most cherished dream? I know it sounds completely off topic, but if you have the time, please answer. I don't care if it can come true or not, I just wanna know what it is.
     
  13. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    my sisters b/f said they cant afford to have me there (i start my job 2morrow and its monthly pay) and they cant afford for me to live there for a month, they hardly work as it is. ive begged them but they just cant, they want to but it just aint happening,

    and ive never in my whole entire life ever had a dream, a goal or anything to look forward to.
     
  14. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    Well then I'd suggest you start looking at places to rent. Keep working your job. And I think your dad gave you a 2 week evacuation (for lack of a better word) period?

    Well I would suggest you ask the old man for some money to start with, 'cause if he's gonna kick you out in the state you're in, the least he can do is give you some rent money.

    Talk to your mum about is aswell, maybe she'll talk some sense into your dad.

    But all the while don't give up your job, keep working towards getting an independent lifestyle.

    And if you truly haven't had even a single aspiration in your life, could I be bold enough to give you one?

    I'll assume your answer is yes :tongue:

    Think about this. Waking up in your own apartment on a saturday, knowing you worked your ass off the whole week and tonight you were going to party with the new friends you made at work and around the building (just hear me out) and smiling at the waking town while Metallica's 'Whiplash' plays in the stereo at full volume...

    I'd say that's something to live for.
     
  15. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    i take it u know my signature is a metallica song then ...

    i wud ask for money from my dad but i owe him 400 as it is, he wont even give me bus fair to get into town! and im really crap at making new friends, hence why ive had none for years now ..
     
  16. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    You haven't met the right people then.

    I'll tell you this now, people are like clones, and they wanna be friends with other clones. The moment people like you and me come in the picture, all hell breaks loose.

    From just some online posts I can tell that I'd like to be your friend :smile:

    And if your dad's being such a bitch (please don't mind me using that word, just spur of the moment emtion) about all this then talk to your mum, make her understand that unless you get a safe place to stay that you're gonna be living on the streets, mother's are better convinced at this kinda stuff.

    But regardless please just follow the advice about keeping your job and stuff.

    And maybe you could get away from your folks on your own accord, get a studio apartment and start from there.

    By the way, what do you like to do to spend your time?
     
  17. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    O.k. it was a bit relevant 2 weeks sounds like enough to sort something out, even if it's just hitting the road.

    Sounds like your'e determined not to take advantage of the breathing space, I think you should though.

    22 is a good age to get out there, whatever abuse has been inflicted or self inflicited a 22 yr old body will be full of vitality and stamina.

    Fuck it, if it can't be sorted get away from your folks, go off the radar. Different city, different streets, different street in your town, hardly matters. Go to the coast or the hills. Get some space.

    Sell something, fly to Amsterdam that's a good city to get lost in for a while, there is some good shit going on there, more than enough to satisfy the darkest soul.
     
  18. Don't Follow

    Don't Follow Member

    The weed of the whores? :tongue:

    But I agree with you, what the TS needs is a change of environment.
     
  19. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    my mum agrees with my dad , infact she wants me out more than my dad .....

    i have ZERO money, not a single penny to my name, i get payed payed monthly and im being thrown out in 2 weeks, i have no way of borrowing money and have nowhere to go.

    this is not the 1st time my parents have fucked my life. 4 years of torture, shit , im tired of this..

    and i listen to music and watch movies in my spare time
     
  20. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    i have nothing to sell, i wud run away to a different country and have no contact with any1. but i cant :(

    and yes i am determinded to die, by any means possible i will die. im sick of it
     
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