This time is real

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pollo, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I have decided it. I am going to do it this Sunday. I am planning everything, I am planning to OD and not expecting to be found. Noone can help me, it is sad but it is real. I am not afraid, I know is the best thing I can do
     
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Come back and talk please?
    Let us know why you feel like you have to do this
     
  3. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    What has made you come to this decision? please explain so we can try and help you.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    please go to the ER and let them help you. help is available, you have only to ask. i know you are in alot of pain. i've been there myself. but i want you to know that it can get better with the right supports in place. i know your psychiatrist hasn't been very supportive but there are other resources available to you. you are worth it.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO the best thing you can do is go and sign self into hospital where you can get the help the care the healing needed okay that is the best thing you can do.
     
  6. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    My life is so worthless, I am so alone and even when I have tried to find help I just found more pain. I feel like noone understands what is happening inside me, inside my brain. I know my professional career is done, my boss did everything he could to destroy me and he succeed.
    I am hurt, very hurt and I have no more strength to carry on
     
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. it's a terrible, terrible feeling. i've been there. please try and reach out again. it is worth it. you are worth it. i've had career problems too. i haven't worked for 4 years because of my bipolar illness and my hospitalizations. it will be very hard to re-enter the workforce. but i choose to not worry about that today. today i focus on healing myself, on getting better. it's hard but you can get better, too. i truly believe this.
     
  8. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply but yes, I am in such pain, it is very hard to describe and the thing is that I do not want to be sent to a psychiatric hospital. I have been there twice and it is a horrible place, then my psychiatrist is shit, my friends are scared every time I mention suicide, my family does not know, you see, I am alone and I can't carry on like that!!!!!
     
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you are not alone because you have us, the community here at SF. let us hold you until you are feeling better. i've also been hospitalized several times (okay, truthfully, 5 times....). the last ward i was on was pretty terrible so i sympathize with your not wanting to go back. but the main thing is that they kept me alive until my new meds kicked in and my thinking started to change. mostly i felt warehoused there, very numb and frightened. after about a week i started to come back alive. when you are feeling a bit better you can look for a new psychiatrist. i read your other thread so i know how bad things are between you and the shrink. but for now i just want you to think about how to survive this crisis. let us continue to help.
     
  10. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your interest! I will try to cope tonight, I just got a phone call from a friend and we talked about my suicidal thoughts and that helped me, it is good that I talked with her. Of course she did not know much what to say.
    You know, I seriously have thought about OD on Sunday. I chose that day, I am not sure why but I will take the risk. I will OD and if I survive, good but if I don't, too bad then
     
  11. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    I hope you rethink this. You are worth living.

    It's great that you had someone to talk. Why don't you tell your family? I know it may be hard, trust me I know, but they can at least try and understand and help you.

    We're here for you :hug:
     
  12. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I live in Switzerland, and my family is in another country 12 hours by plane, so they can't do anything being so far away and besides, they will panic if I mention the word suicide and they will want to take me back there and I don't want. I don't know what to do!!! I will just take my chance and OD, I have nothing to lose
     
  13. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Please don't <3
    What about that friend you talked to last night? Can you confide in her?
    What about going to the hospital? Or getting a therapist?
     
  14. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I have a therapist who is crap and the more I look for help, the less I find. i am tired of everyone!! I will do it. Have you ever try OD?
     
  15. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Get a new therapist! That's what I did, and ended up with a brilliant one.
    & Yeah, I have, but I don't think I ever took that many, just a maximum of 10 pills.
     
  16. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    I think it is a breakthough being able to confide in your friend, now you know you have somebody who will sit and listen to you. You know you also have us and somebody is always here to talk to you.

    We can never stop you from the decisions you make we can only try to help you agaisnt them and for one i hope you changed your mind and try to reach forward.

    Keep talking to us xxx
     
  17. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Thanks!! I went to see my therapist today. I am decided I want to change, I don't want to keep seeing her. But at the same time I thought, well, I will OD on Sunday so why should I bother on which therapist I get, it won't matter soon
     
  18. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    It does matter if you stay, think of all the hurt your going to cause others when you leave like this.

    If your therapist or medications are working why not give another a try, whats to lose?
     
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    why should you bother why because the next time will be better the next meds make work and bring you stability and happiness the next therapist healing that why
     
  20. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    Pollo, if it doesn't work, you could just end up screwing yourself over physically, permanently perhaps. Probably obvious to you, but I just wanted to point that out.
     
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