This time of year.. I get impulsive and do a lot of stupid crap.. I've already done some impulsive stuff to harm myself.. I'm going to prob be doing worse, cuz I just am that way. I get myself in deep trouble round this time of year. Make people hate me, become a lot more emotional.. and cause a lot of bull shit. Knowing this in mind I am going to TRY to keep things better this year.. no promises.. Last year just let myself get used a few times, caused a fight (irl), and walked around in an un-safe neighborhood hoping I'd get shot.. As well as looking for possible ways to commit.. While another guy started threatening to kill us anyway and a cop threatened to kill my dog and was harassing us every morning at 4 or 5am. I have too much shit that happened this time of year.. too many losses, too many times used, and purposely wanting to be.. Purposely causing break-ups and hate toward myself.. purposely getting myself in un-safe situations.. Because I feel my body is trash.. All I can be is something to be thrown away after use.. I fucking hate myself. I'm just ugly and useless. I'm not trying to make this a pitty party, I'm stating this as a fact.. I cant even drive.. I cant even work. I can't do things most people my age can and I'm overweight (and lately gaining more) and gender confused, making me ugly and confused as hell. I do these things this time of year to make people hate me.. I mean REALLY hate me. Because I'm that fucking stupid.. I don't know why.. It's like I just hate myself and use myself as some piece of trash and think others should too.. so I cause these issues to make people hate me as much as I hate myself. Cuz I just deserve to be hated. Everyone will hate me because I hate me. I will never be good enough for anyone anyway. Not that people here don't already know that.