This week!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aoeu, Jun 20, 2009.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay. So, we started off with some medical runaround and continuing insomnia... Always sucks.

    Then, a worsening of seasonal allergies. This sucks, my eyes are all itchy and I sneeze a lot.

    Then, had a fight with my longest friend (longest doesn't mean much anymore - I met her 4 months ago)... No, not really a fight. She intentionally triggered me after I said something that annoyed her. Thanks, you're a fucking bitch.

    Then screwed up an opportunity for a date due to my cluelessness.

    Ran out of the medication that makes me sane, withdrawal effects wouldn't start until about tomorrow or Sunday... But the medical runaround put me in such a position that it won't turn out to be a problem.

    The girl remains gone, it becomes clear that she's fucking abandoned me. Unceremoniously dumped, without a word.

    Head to the doctor, but on the wrong day, so my regular doc isn't in... Probably not such a bad thing. Also, the wrong hour. I waited 3 hours just for her to arrive. Grrr... This doctor wanted to be a bit cautious, so before prescribing me seroquel, she wanted to both do a liver test and talk it over with my regular doctor. I was to get the liver test done two days later, at which time I could also see my regular doctor and get it sorted out. Reasonably, she declined to prescribe me my anxiety/insomnia drugs, reasoning I could do without them until Friday. Not too bad, but took like 6 hours :(

    I had to fast before the liver test, twelve hours... Unfortunately, I forgot to eat a bunch before I had to start. I was quite hungry. I had a pretty shitty sleep that night, but woke up on time, exhausted and starved. I went to the doctor's [it's a walkin clinic, I'm too much a mess to do proper appointments], takes about an hour on the subway, have to struggle with wanting to electrocute myself on the tracks... I asked to get the blood work done, produced the paperwork, and was informed that the lab tech was not in. I hadn't eaten about 17 hours by that point. Needless to say, I was a -little- disappointed, and really fucking hungry. Asked to see the doctor, might as well at least get a prescription refill so I don't start murdering people when the withdrawal shows up. Nope, he's working truncated hours today and doesn't have time to see me. So, I'm fucking starving, I'm out of drugs, I'm exhausted, I traveled an hour to be there, and I'm completely out of fucking luck. Too tired to care, really, so I went home.

    Hahaha, no. Just no. My subway return token was rejected by the turnstile. Of all the motherfucking shit to go wrong. SERIOUSLY. I managed to convince the human operator that I wasn't attempting to counterfeit the goddamn things, and finally got to go home.

    Oh, and did I mention? I've got swine flu.

    So now I'm drunk, suicidal, homicidal, sick, and alone. Fuck. This. Shit.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Are you okay? Please don't do are not thinking clearly if you have been drinking..please stop and talk to us.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Oh, quite honestly, I'm less drunk while actually drunk than just depressed. I'm mostly dizzy and tired, distinctly non-violent, and much calmer. I'll be fine, as always, unfortunately. This damn flu won't kill me, and I won't do the job for it. I mostly needed to vent. This was almost comedically bad, except I have no one to relate it to drunkenly and giggle over it with.

    Okay, this is probably the booze talking, but I think this week was bad enough to be worthy of a Ben Stiller comedy!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2009
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Hmm, to become a Ben Stiller comedy, it sorta needs a happy ending... Still waiting for that. Maybe some more hijinks will have to occur, making me even more suicidal, before it does. Then I can start working on the screenplay... It might take a few years to be developed, since I'm not sure anyone can see the lighter side of severe depression just yet.

    Also: ow my stomach? This sucks. :(
  5. kiera

    kiera Member

    one of those days can just totally push us over the edge. Glad you got home safely and hopefully are feeling better. apt day for saying, life is a bitch.

    Its like when we cry out for help, doctors and everyone seem to want to push us that little bit more.
    Keep venting x
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