This Will Be My Last Week

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Feb 9, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well that's it, game over. There are so many forces against me now that I am left with no choice. My car is dying and I dont have the money for repairs. I have a bill collector that is going to garnish my paychecks starting next month or the next. Also of course am still going thru the divorce crap. Now when they start garnishing my paycheck I wont have enough money for my car payment or rent, let alone food, gas, bills etc.

    I have been crying over this and sweating this out all weekend. I am not going to and can not go on with this pain anymore. There is too much on my plate for me to deal with.

    I know we cant discuss methods and I am not going to do that. Suffice it to say that once I have a better handle on my funds this week, I think by Wednesday, I am going to get the stuff I need to take care of this once and for all.

    You have all been great in your support before and I thank all of you for your help. But this has to end.
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Did you just accept the paycheck garnishing when they offered it (if they offered it?) It seems counter intuitive for a debt collector to collect short term in order to lose the bulk of what you owe, neither is it in your best interest.

    What are the circumstances of the debt repayment? Did you ignore any attempts to contact you from the debt collectors?
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have been making $50.00 monthly payments. She threatened garnishment before...and now if I dont come up with the remaining balance owed by the end of the month, she is going to turn it over to her attorney.

    Oh and I almost forgot, I bounced my rent check for February. Dont know how but I did. Thankfully landlord is cool. Even gave me a hug yesterday.

    My car needs brakes, new tires, and I think some transmission work. My payment is $500.00 a month for that piece of junk. thanks to the child support deductions off my paychecks I only bring home 500.00 a paycheck. My rent is $400.00 I really live off my part time job delivering pizzas. I make an extra grand a month between tips and wages there, net.

    I am just so tired. Tired of putting up the fight. I am manic depressive too. When I suffer from that I get so ill it affects my entire body. I am so tired of that too. I want this all to end.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I think I am going to call my bill collector tonight and tell her my plans. She already knows I tried once before and suffer from depression. I know that would be mean....but what the hell. I mean she will find out soon enough.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i am SO sorry things are so tough for you right now. it must seem very heavy on your shoulders. . . and yes, depression exacerbates that.
    at least your landlord is understanding; that may be a start.

    the depression could also 'cloud' your thinking, preventing you from finding ways to pull yourself out of this financial situation. do you have someone to talk to - that can help you ''brainstorm'' for ideas?

    i hate having money problems, and yes, i know how it feels to deal with a divorce....similar to a death. but. those things are NOT worth your life.
    i care what happens to you, and others do here too. so, try to hold on, and reach for support, (as you did now, very positive thing) and we can be your friends while you get your life sorted out. :hug:
  6. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Bottom line of debt is that you cannot pay what you don't have, and no western country will force you to pay what you don't have. Unless of course they aren't well informed. You need to open a dialogue even though all you want to do is close your eyes and never wake up.
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks everyone. The thing is, I feel like there is a HUGE mountain standing right in front of me, that I can't get over. I was praying in bed last night for God's support. I no longer have the strength, the will, or the mental capability of dealing with all of this. I really dont want to die, but I am too whatever, sick, ill, tired to live. And I really dont think I can go on for much longer. I have lived for 42 years...and while there have been some good times....a lot of those years have been terrible.

    Look at me...I am such a failure...that at 42 years old, I have to deliver pizza's in a car that is falling apart. I am an alcoholic that my wife of 20 years no longer wants any part of. My credit is beyond repair with a score in the low 400's.

    However like George Bailey, I am worth more dead than alive. I have life insurance thru my work that pays 5 times my salary plus an extra 25,000.00.

    I could really take care of my wife and kids with that money. So perhaps some good can come out of the end of a tormented life.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I'm sure your wife and kids would choose you over that money any day :yes:

    You are worth so much more than that to them. Depression lies.

    Everyone is having a tough time dealing with the financial crisis, they will get through it and you can too.

    If you need someone to listen, don't hesitate to PM me :)
  9. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    You made me cry.

    I maybe getting a handle on one of the issues, that is to say the bill collector issue. I did a google search under medical bill consolidation and found a nonprofit that might help. I am going to call them tonight.

    As for the car, I still dont know what I am going to do there. I dont just live paycheck to paycheck, I sometimes live day to day or even hour by hour. So I really dont have the moolah to take care of my car. I can do oil changes etc....but for brakes, and tranny work (if that is what it needs) I am screwed.

    Finally.....I really miss my wife. It has been so long now...I need her back. I can't not want to live without her.
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2009
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