I don't want to fight it anymore, I want it to take me. I'm so tired, exhausted, devastated. I fail to see the point. I don't know how to be happy, there is nothing that brings me any joy. I've fucked up, I'm a fuck up. Nobody will ever love me. Not me, maybe the idea of me. But nobody actually loves me. I'm not good enough for anyone to stay. I just hurt everyone around me. Everything I love either rejects me or dies. And whats even the point! WHAT IS THE POINT TO ALL OF THIS!? The fact that one person can cause so much pain to me doesn't make me want to be apart of this world. Romantic relationships aside though, there is still no point!! NO FUCKING POINT! What so I go to work to make just enough money to pay for the bed and food I need to go to work the next day, and thats the rest of my life?! Working to go to work! I know, everyone has to do it. Well they don't see how completely pointless it is. This existence isn't worth it. I don't want to go to bed shaking and crying anymore because of the weight, i'm tired that seeing my own blood is the only way I can make the tears stop. I'm tired of hurting the people around me with my misery. Some people just don't belong here. Some people aren't meant to be happy. The only reason, the one and only reason my mattress is not soaked in my blood right now is because I'm afraid of hurting people. I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do. So I'm going to push them away, it will be easy. Nobody will fight to stay. In just a few months and can tie myself to the next world, and they won't even hear a whisper. Finally then, and only then will I be truly happy..