This World Is Just an Illusion.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Saint, Sep 26, 2014.

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  1. Saint

    Saint New Member

    I don't want to fight it anymore, I want it to take me. I'm so tired, exhausted, devastated. I fail to see the point. I don't know how to be happy, there is nothing that brings me any joy. I've fucked up, I'm a fuck up. Nobody will ever love me. Not me, maybe the idea of me. But nobody actually loves me. I'm not good enough for anyone to stay. I just hurt everyone around me. Everything I love either rejects me or dies. And whats even the point! WHAT IS THE POINT TO ALL OF THIS!? The fact that one person can cause so much pain to me doesn't make me want to be apart of this world. Romantic relationships aside though, there is still no point!! NO FUCKING POINT! What so I go to work to make just enough money to pay for the bed and food I need to go to work the next day, and thats the rest of my life?! Working to go to work! I know, everyone has to do it. Well they don't see how completely pointless it is. This existence isn't worth it. I don't want to go to bed shaking and crying anymore because of the weight, i'm tired that seeing my own blood is the only way I can make the tears stop. I'm tired of hurting the people around me with my misery. Some people just don't belong here. Some people aren't meant to be happy. The only reason, the one and only reason my mattress is not soaked in my blood right now is because I'm afraid of hurting people. I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do. So I'm going to push them away, it will be easy. Nobody will fight to stay. In just a few months and can tie myself to the next world, and they won't even hear a whisper. Finally then, and only then will I be truly happy..
  2. saturniidae

    saturniidae Member

    Everything you wrote....
    I understand it so much. I read so many posts and even though I can't feel anything for myself....somehow the pain of others I can feel. Why does this feeling have to exist? I want to be free from this world too. It's the same...I don't see a reason or purpose for anything. But you came here. just like me. I understand your feeling so much. I know that it's not good enough...but the only thing that I can do is listen. So much I wish I could take away the pain of others like me....maybe that way my pain would go away....but I know it could never be like that.
  3. I believe some of them do see just that. But I believe they're wrong, and technically, so is the other side of the fence - saying essentially that life *is* worth it (a lot of religious and fanatics fit into this category) some going so far as to say that really, only a mentally ill person would even ask the question "what's the meaning of life" .. for someone who is NoRmAL.. it is obvious and self-evident that life is worth it - mostly (presumably) because they're enjoying the majority of it. I think that is a bit of a key, in that if everybody was going about doing things they enjoyed doing, with people they cared about... and fundamentally of course actually *did* enjoy their lives.. well, wouldn't that be something worth living for? ;)

    I guess it may not feel like it at this time (I know I Really feel that way a lot as well..) and so I can't just try to convince you with any sort of logical or rational arguments - that I don't have. Except.. being not really religious, but having still thought about meaning, worth, and all those things for a few decades now at least.. If I could change the world, and make everyone on the planet understanding, honorable (honest), caring for their fellow human beings (and other sentient life) .. and above all.. HAPPY - even if it meant a bit more time leading a more or less unpleasant life as I have been the last few decades or so - I would do it! If I could be one of the happy people as well, instead, all the better!

    So: is it worth it? - Is there a way to be happy? Is there a way to help others be happy? (which can often help to make oneself happy as an added benefit) Can we make *everyone* happy? THEN it wouldn't be pointless, would it?

    I disagree.. while there may be something to some not belonging here, it's complicated and one might begin by wondering where do they belong, then? But... There are no such people that "aren't meant to be happy" - Life is extremely complicated, and everybody is different in many different ways and the fact that most people either don't really understand that, or are intolerant of it, or both - causes untold massive painful communication and interpersonal breakdowns.

    There's more to be said on the subject for sure... the world may very well Be an illusion.

    Take care.
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