This world's too terrible for me to live in.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by goingnowhr, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    Nothing but hate and fear and anger now. From Ferguson onward I've been constantly depressed by how miserable everyone and everything seems, and my own life feels insignificant even though I've been improving it. Therapy and meds haven't helped, and I'm ready to end my life so I can stop suffering.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  2. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    There's no hope, no justice, no happiness, and nothing for me to strive for. Why live when I hate it?
     
  3. Crazy Cat

    Crazy Cat Active Member

    There is always hope. Hang in there.
     
  4. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Please don't hurt yourself! You said you've been improving your life; even though you might not think so now, someday you'll be able to realize how significant you really are. There definitely is lots of miserable news lately, but I promise there are still good people and good news, as well. Have you thought about seeing a different therapist or switching meds?
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  5. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    I've only been seeing my current therapist for half a year, and I've sworn to never try new meds after the last few caused terrible side effects like causing my teeth to fall apart (We've spent $5000 on fillings and root canals this month and I have constant toothaches to the point of waking up at 3AM with them).

    There's just a pervasive sense of fear and sadness and anger in America that I can't get away from, and I don't think it will ever end, so I'd rather end myself.
     
  6. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Don't say that! Please call a help line and try to hold on just a little bit longer! You said in your original post you've been improving your life, so why waste this progress?? Many people on this site can testify that even when it seems that nothing will ever improve, things can turn around. I'm cheering for you. Whether or not you realize it, you are a good person and there are other good people in the world. Please be kind to yourself.
     
  7. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    I just feel the same. This world is too terrible for people like me.
     
  8. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    Or maybe this terrible world needs you, and more people like you. Please don't leave me alone to face it, folks!
     
    CGMAngel and Thauoy like this.
  9. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    I am being kind to myself. I just can't stop focusing on how unhappy and awful society seems to be. The world can't shut up about everything bad in it, and I'm too weak to persevere through any more of that.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  10. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    I just want to give up. I'm insignificant and worthless compared to everything else. And despite what above posts may say, the world having or not having good people like me doesn't seem to make a difference any more.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  11. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    I've dealt with this shit and just gotten worse and worse for years, and every expert I speak to says the world's going to get worse for a long time. Does that existence really justify itself, especially when I can't change any of the things that upset me? (Volunteering won't do anything.)
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  12. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Maybe you should try to focus on a smaller scale? For example, you're not going to change the whole world by volunteering. But you could absolutely make a huge difference in a few people's lives. And yes there is a ton of negative news, but there really are good people still out there.
     
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  13. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    To be honest, I relate to this on a deeper level and thinking about the world at large and the meaning of life and those wider concepts can be distressing and depressing.
    I also agree that there is no 'justice', and happiness is elusive---some will say that the pursuit of happiness almost guarantees that you will not attain it as it is more a by-product, if you consider life in those lens--but hope springs eternal once there is life. There is so much unknown in life that one cannot but hope for some better days/conditions.

    I agree with a change of perspective perhaps being useful. I believe life is mostly about connections and timing. You may not effect a global change tomorrow, but how many people did you make smile today? How many people did you help, or make feel valued and encouraged?
    I think it's possible to derive some meaning and value from life by contributing this way. These acts of kindness are not insignificant at all and can mean the world to the recipient.

    I hope we can chat more.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  14. ToFarGone7

    ToFarGone7 Active Member

    Hey there, I'm new here. Still figuring stuff out. Don't give up, we all know exactly how you feel. I can agree with you that this world, more so this society we live in or fall victim too aren't made for good hearted or genuine people. You've been making progress like you said, that's a start. We're genuine human beings we will break down at times but we build ourselves back up and keep moving. That's exactly what you're doing. You're still moving forward. Just relax, take things one day at a time. Two quotes I love...
    "If you want the rainbow you have to learn to deal with the rain"
    "Sometimes you have to make the hardest climbs to see the most beautiful sun rise".. I hope these helped you.
    You're not alone, I hope you can make genuine friends from this site. I apologize I couldn't respond to you during the moment.. hope to hear from you soon.
     
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  15. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    For whatever reason, I can't get myself to focus on a smaller scale. And yes, everyone I know is nice and I make them happy every day, but it all feels insignificant compared to the large-scale atrocities happening every second. None of the numerous good things in my own life hold any personal value and I can't focus on them.

    I'd rather not make close friends from this site. Most people seem to find comfort in seeing others who suffer like them, but that just makes me sadder.
     
  16. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    I think the comfort is not in seeing others also suffering, at least not for me. I have never found "others have it worse" to be of any comfort. I think any comfort is from helping others survive a journey you have travelled or are travelling.

    The world will be worse off without you and even the small acts of kindness. Those things help at times make living just bearable for many who struggle.
    You can expand your reach to a wider amount of people IRL. join an organisation that supports something you care about, help with fundraisers, write and spread awareness about issues, consider politics--being in it to fix it.

    You also cannot foresee the level of contribution you may be able to make in a much broader sense in four years or 10 years.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  17. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    I can't do any of those things you suggested. Just hearing about politics or an issue triggers deep, long-lasting sadness in me. I legitimately think I have to do the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and acting like these problems don't exist if I want to live a normal life.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  18. goingnowhr

    goingnowhr Active Member

    Decided to leave this forum behind. Things won't get any better, but I've realized in all these years of frequenting sites like this, they've never done anything for me in the slightest.
     
  19. Crazy Cat

    Crazy Cat Active Member

    I feel sad reading this but I do understand. At the end of the day, life is full of choices. I wish you well and pray your circumstances get better.
     
    AlexiMarie7 likes this.
  20. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i live in a blissful bubble. i avoid things that trigger me like thoughts about genocide etc. i am good to those around me and they are mostly good to me. if you abide by KISS life is not so hard. my only complaints in life are 1) being dependent on caffeine because i'm dumb and 2) being too ugly to be "with" hot chicks. my parents are pretty well to do and are good, nice people, very good and stable supports - i'm lucky to live with them in a good environment, that probably helps a lot. i look forward to the afterlife where i will be able to be "with" hot chicks (pretty much my only hangup in life) but i am in no rush to get there. though i don't want to live to old age really, i don't know if i'm cut out for that. it's good to be afterlifepig ...