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This Years Christmas (a bit religous)

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Well-Known Member
Usually I spend christmas' thinking and contemplating what all the fuss is about. I've spent quite a few of these most holy of days missing people, shedding the occasional tear and bieng lost in confusion. to be more accurate, since I was around thirteen or fourteen I've felt lost.

Two days ago my sister sent me a gift certificate for HMV (a multimedia chain store) amounting to thirty pounds. Upon her say so I was allowed to spend it prematurely. I purchased the Godfather trilogy on DVD, I have never seen it but bieng from an Italian-English family I felt as though I knew it inside out anyway. That left enough to buy Robert De Niro's biography.

I have watched the first of the trilogy and found it immensely absorbing, I have also read a few chapters of the Biography. Since doing these things I have confirmed to myself the things I have been doubting for so long. I inhabit a male body, I am a male, And I feel at home with other males. Mind Body and Soul, Im a man.

Without getting into the mechanics of a plethera of biblical characters and historical figures, I entertained a fantasy that the metaphysical reactional body to which I aspired was feminine. Through nurturing a fantasy that I loved someone who I actually feel nothing for, I got myself into an ungodly mess of gender, sexual and social confusion.

On this day, the day of the birth of Lord and saviour Jesus Christ, I can go forward with honesty and humility, feeling safe, in good heart, knowing I speak words from my reality, and not those born out of dellusion.

This for me is the first Christmas I can truely sit in the circle of my family and say "I am"

I pray everyone here can too have a christmas and new year that surpasses all expectations, whatever your faiths or non faiths I hope the togetherness of the season brings out a new passion in your life that throughout the most part of the year, we don't get time to appreciate. & who knows, maybe it will inspire us all toward better relationships all year round

All my love

merry Christmas

& a happy new year



Well-Known Member
Thats unfortunate, I know how you feel, but nothing needs to be said in my family, were together whatever. My dreams are in line with what I want and people who know me are happier for it, Im a much stronger man for it and a damnd site better brother/son/friend
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